I in no way to offend, but I particularly am not keen with your frequent use of I's and variations of tenses in this poem of yours. Certain dialogues were left with no quotation marks as well, and the plot progression wasn't thought-out well. I even sensed the need for more coherent details. Perhaps that's just me, though... Other than those nitpicky details, I'd still give you my props for attempting and exerting a fine effort with this material. Keep on writing what you feel and like. all the best and take care. ~Marian
This was a fine work although I do agree with miss debbers above about the constant use of "I" throughout this piece. I did enjoy the feelings portrayed behind this poem andthe meaning was great. Well done none the less on writing a greatly written piece.~mel
You use I a lot in the poem . It's getting annoying, and I like you as a poet ! And the ending kind of made my smile drop . There were beautifully illuminating parts in this poem, portraying a gorgeous emotion within it .
Her lips has touch mines, oh how sweet they are.
`That doesn't make sense . Do you mean, Her lips have touched mine ? Or something close ?
Nonetheless, another nicely written piece .
This was a lovely poem - very sad in the end but a beautiful poem of intense love. Good work!
I like it how its so simple - no rhyming scheme or anything to distract or take away from the heartfelt words you're using.
Hey, the last stanza of your heart realy touched my heart. it was such a good style of writing. i loved the wya you have expressed. you realy know what is the meaning of true love.
i realy approcoate of your work
Wow i love this poem its reall sweet i hope someone feels that way about me i love when u say "More than a thousand laughs
Wouldn't show how happy you make me" i feel the same way about my boyfriend but i love ya poem
This is beautiful...
Right from the first stanza I was completely hooked, and the imagery you portrayed in this blew me away...it created very vivid pictures in my mind.
What I thought most remarkable, was that even though you chose not to rhyme this piece, was that the flow was flawless throughout.
I loved the depth and emotion that were easily sensed behind the written words, and the ending is both beautiful and stunning.