Whew... i can feel the pain and sufferinf that you were up to right now coz i'm honestly experiencing it. This one is a good poem but it could look more better if you try to correct some wrong grammar (hope i didn't offend u) keep it up!
Do friends can be lovers too?
^ I think this should be changed to "Can friends be lovers too?"
every hour we speak and the laughter
^ This doesn't make sense.
Hmm, this was a fairly good poem. The flow didn't really work very well and the descriptions I thought lacked detail. I did not really like how you did the first stanza, repeating the word "you" so many times really made your words lose effect. To improve, I would say to use more detail, try and use better words to describe hwo you feel and check over your grammer before you post the poem. Keep it up though. 3/5
"Do friends can be lovers too?" I'm getting the drift that you arn't very good at english or english isnt ur first language....rephrase that bit...
"all of that will be surrendered,
when I say I loved her" That is in between past and present tense!!! it should be like,
all of that will be surrendered,
When I say I love her" or w/e....write it properly!!
"When you hold my arms tight,
my heart beats
when you hold my hands
my mind resists" resists? when u hold my arms tight? wtf!! isnt it suppose to be, when u hold me tight or when I hold u tight in my arms....and that paragraph doesnt really make sense...Last paragraph doesnt really connect doesnt coborate...ur poem doesnt mix or blend well, its kinda just random paragraphs!! i think u need to work on this one aswell
It's okay. This line -->Do friends can be lovers too? makes no sense. Can friends become lovers too? Would make sense. Or maybe even Do friends become lovers too? I just thought it was kind of boring. I'm not usually big on love poems because they often sound so similar and on this one I just think you could have made it better in one way or another. The titles not bad or anything and poems sound nicer if you don't end the line with the same word over and over again like you did with you. Let me look around for some good examples of bad poems and good poems to show you. Or at least my oppinions of them. I'll give this one a three.
Nice poem and difficult question here: "friends or lovers?".Actually, im going through something like this right now and i know how confusing it feels...Anyway, keep writing and hope you find the answer soon(hope the same for me!).