Very sad, filled with tones of deep sorrow. It has a touch of clishe poetry yet you managed to pull it off nicely. The suicide note in the middle of the poem ruined a flow for me in that part, but that's only my opinion. Overall you did great job with this. Whole poem is very emotional and it has good wording.
Wow this was just so heartbreakingly sad. I could really feel the strong emotions you protrayed here ... they were quite effective in making me emotional. I think the flow was okay but could be imporved on because some things felt forced. All in all .. great write. *5/5*
I truely enjoyed this poem I found the emotions to be deeply etched within the lines which expressed so much saddness sorrow and agony. Your rhyme was basic yet effective it gave this piece a smoothe flow. The topic behind it is a tiny bit cliche but you pulled it off really well. A part of the poem lost it's flow but nothing to reuin this heartfelt poem. Well done. Keep up the great work. ~Mel
That is so sad, yet beautifully written. The story you have told in this poem truly broke my heart. I love the first stanza, it did a great job of hooking me into the poem. The flow was flawless and the emotions were strong. Beautiful job. Overall: 5.5
I loved it! it really called out to me. This poem has a certain lingering prescense(sp?) great work definitly i love poems like these and you did a perfect job of writing it fabulous 5/5
You said comment truthfully so, it was an amazing poem and i like the flow of the words. they came out smoothly and the details were amazing also. like the note that was drenched in bloody read. 5/5 !props!
Wow, it is very well worded and very excellently written. The title is very awesome. The rhyme scheme was just perfect. My favorite stanza is:
Everyone is blinded by her smile and charm
They will never see the cuts that's planted on her arm.
She was voted homecoming queen for her senior year.
But that shadow only stayed and brought her tears.
Awesome!!! Must be 5/5
9 years ago
This poem is so sad and true i when you said "he courage she once had; she can no longer find." i was like i can relate to that i have been through many situation when that happened to me, but besides that this is an awesome poem a true work of art great write!!!...=]5/5
First of all this is truly captivating title, it pulled me right in to this piece.
-Her shadows of despair linger around her mind.
The courage she once had; she can no longer find.
The misery that beats inside her crimson heart,
It won't be the first or last time she falls apart.-
^I really like the opening line, it is very interesting and your choice of words is good trough this stanza. I don't like construction of second line, I think that it could sound better if you change a place of words but that is just my opinion.
I don't like only one thing in third line, you started it with-the misery- and second line started with-the courage- so that leaves bad impression, but overall that is very powerful line.
I honestly admire last line, I only don't like rhyme -heart- -apart- cause it is typical, I think if you chose to rhyme that be original.
When you started that second stanza I thought that it won't be good at all but when I read it carefully I think that that are fantastic lines, bravo.
I don't know why but third stanza totally threw me off, it was somehow random and I somehow don't like it at all, sorry just my opinion.
Rest of the poem is interesting, I don't like rhyming but you have very clear point, I like last stanza.
All in all nice work, I personally think that it needs a few improvements and more powerful tone in some parts but you did a nice job, and expressed emotions greatly.