~forgotten~mistake~ ( F P C D )
This is a good poem. well done, its a good talent you are showing so keep it up. hope you are ok. take kare xxxxx
Remnant of DaveJon ( F P D )
Very moving. I like the flow and the emotions that lay both on and under the surface. Good Job 5/5
.:*finally letting go*:. ( F )
I like this poem alot... great job!
Teria ( F P C D )
"Even sun shining above me"
^ You should add 'the' after Even.
"Fades as dropping from the sky"
^That doesn't really make sense. :/ I get what you're saying though.
^ Both of those words rhyme with the above word, therefore you should change the word 'begins' or take out the word 'again'.
I loved this poem, it was a great write. And, I'm soo sorry for you loss, hun. I hope you're doing okay. <3 I really like this poem, and as I was reading I was like.. I wonder if she's talking about an ex or something, you know. Because, it was like.. that kinda poem. But, you weren't. The story behind it, I guess gives it so much more meaning than what readers think before they read it all.
This is a great poem, and the fact that it came from deep within makes it even greater than anyone can imagine, except you.
I loved it.
Keep it up. <3
ImNotPerfect20 ( F C D )
Good work!! very good poem.. Hope you are doing ok though.. 5/5
IdTakeABullet4U ( F P C D )
I feel you walking away. = I see you walking away.
Awesome job, Nice words. You have a few lowercase I's that could use fixing, but other than that it is flawless. Good job.
Infected With his Deadly Love ( F P C D )
Another good poem.
I'm sorry for your lose.
'Everything is black
Even sun shining above me
Fades as dropping from the sky'
Loved it ^^
Keep it up 5/5
Vanessa ( F P C D )
I loved this, again you did an excellent job. i am soo sorry for your loss. You have alot of talent, and I think as long as you keep expressing yourself though written words that you will get though it. Keep writting, and stay strong. 5/5
xxSnow Angelxx ( F C D )
Oh my gosh!!....such a beautiful poem...sooo touching!!....there r few mistakes though which r pointed out in the earlier comments though...but the poem is all the same...Beautiful!
Marc Ortiz ( F P C D )
I really like the opening line! I was really touch by this great poem! well writen! the flow was smooth! and sorry for your loss :(
Sydney ( F C D )
It put a vivid picture in my mind. The Description of the sun..I love that XD
Stephanie Naylor ( F P C D )
The imagery was there, and it was strong and i thought it was very powerful
David ( F P C D )
Ah now that is sad. the words you used need to be more desriptive tho. but still this was good.
xStillxThexOnlyxOne ( F P C D )
Aww that is soo sad. Sorry for the
loss. Very good and short poem.
Well done God bless 5/5
Hidden Feelings within these Wor ( F P C D )
A beautiful poem, sorry to hear about your friend. =( I have had many losses myself. It isn't an easy thing to go through.
The flow of your poem wasn't the greatest, but it was powerful.
I apologize if I'm being too harsh, I honestly don't mean to be, I just know that I want honesty, so I will only give honesty.
Anyhow, you are very talanted, and you have great potential, so continue writing and posting. =)
becca beh ( F P C D )
Wonderful poem.. filled with emotion.. the flow was good but a little off in the beging.. great job :D
TheWorldFellNUWerentThere ( F P C D )
This is a great poem! Such a heartfelt poem. Loved it. 5/5
waiting 4 some1 ( F P C D )
FridusBlueheaven ( F P C D )
This is great. Must be well written by you!!!
ali ( F C )
This is so touching and moving, the little note at the end nearly made me cry and gave the whole piece another meaning, awesome, heartbreaking stuff...
- ali xxxxxxx