Pocket Full of Heart and Sand

I'll never tell you this,
but you always give the best hugs.

And with a smile,
you run off,
leaving me laughing.

I came home with an easy heart-
pressures of sad life lifted
with your light and fluffy friendship.
So full of soft lingering joy
I yawningly slip off my clothes
and a pocket full of heart and sand
falls all over my carpet...

With a reminiscing sigh
I lay on the floor and examine
how sand grains and heart pieces
mix so easily together in the strands
of the dark green fuzzy rug...
All the bits of them, big and small
remind me of your fingers, my toes
of yearning truths and even bigger lies.

So with a sudden inspiration of sculpture
I giggle and rub my toes into the sand
pouring the rest of my heart onto the floor
mixing it with warm water because I am
so sick of winter and just want you here
to keep me warm right in this moment...

Sitting on the carpet,
with the crumbs between my skin
I fall into the soft sound
of rain pounding against my poetry
and the way his hair moves in the wind
while there is a guitar playing,
and become distracted with memories...

Laying on your bed,
Whispering "why can't you love me?"
Pulling me closer, grabbing my hands
"Because I want you, but I love her"
Tired of tears, tired of it being so cold
I say "I feel stupid being here, but
I just need answers and I'm so lonely"
Pretending he says "I'm sorry, so sorry"
I reply "Love me, please, I'll change,
I can play the perfect part for you,
just to have you in my arms.
I'm the one you really love, you just
don't know it yet. And I don't think
you meant it when you said you couldn't
love me. And I don't think she loves you
the way you think she does. Why can't you love me?"
"I'm sorry, so sorry, but I can't."

Then, paddling back into reality
a vague reminder it was only a dream,
or maybe a memory wishing to be a dream,
or maybe a memory of a dream that became reality,
I find myself lying on my dark green carpet,
covered in heart and sand that accidentally
fell out of my pocket, but reaching for
the vacuum I begin to falter and think
about picking up the phone because I feel
you might be lonely because your heart
is hurting and you don't know what to do
without me but I wish you knew how to love me.

And I'll probably never tell you this,
but you always gave the best hugs.