Awesome poem, flowed really well and made an amazing image in my mind, almost like he treats you as a rag doll?

well done love it!

Love
Jacs
xxxx

This is truly powerful from the first to the last line. Whole poem is greatly written, very effective and with excellently expressed emotions. Original, enjoyable write. I can relate to this in a way which makes it even more powerful for me. You created good flow in every stanza.
My favorite part of the poem is:

- Twist me and twirl me,
Into your optical illusion.
What you see is not what you get,
Sorry for the confusion.-
^^^
Very effective.

~Keep up~
5/5 from me

Hmm what a great choice! the titled was very interesting and specially the message seems very dedicated and great express those nice thoughts.. keep it up and keep on writing all what u feel.. great job 5/5

Another deep poem, you're good at tapping into emotions. This was good :P But I have one little thing I thought might help *my personal opinion so don't get upset*

"The needle keeps pricking,
Blood's being shed."

"The needle keeps pricking,
Blood's beginning to shed."
^^ potentially? I don't know :P

Flow was great, word choice was amazing, and the concept was brilliant! 5/5 :P

This is good. I'm really impressed. Well done!

Very impressive. My favourite stanza

"Twist me and twirl men,
Into your optical illusion.
What you see is not what you get,
Sorry for the confusion."

I was a little unsure about ur last staza...

It is: "choose to take me heart'
I thought it should be: "Choose to take my heart"

But anways, beautiful poem, great use or words and excellent flow!!

Alyssa

I love this poem so much
its so amazi
keep on writing girl
5/5

Another great poem and again with great flow. Iy was beatiful and you used the words well.

I really love the flow to this, it flowed soo beautifully! The word choice was really good, and the concept was brilliant as well! Very nice job on this! 5/5

Love this poem! its great, wonderful flow and word choice. But i don't like the last line in this "Your choice" i think that it took away from the structure of the poem. The last stanza is powerful enough. i'd say just leave it at that. but again, great work! keep it up! :]

* we so rock at comebacks girly!!! haha*

I loved your poem!!!!!

Wow. This was AWESOME! This poem was filled with so much malice and hatred toward this person who is letting you believe that they love you!! WOW! I am just in awe here. Very beautifully written! 5/5

Reallllyyy goood.

In the third stanza, perhaps you meant "seams" and not "seems"?
It confused me a tad~

Aside from that, though, just as good as "from the inside, looking out"! I love the assertiveness, and your choice of vocabulary. Keep up the good work!

Loved it! Short sweet and to the point yet filled with so much power and profound emotions. The flow was flawless and nothing seemed forced which made it more of a joy to read.

"Yet you still rip at the seems,"
^I think you mean "seams"

well done *5/5*

Tear me to pieces,
One by one.
Repeatedly stabbing,
Hurry up and be done
^^^
Touching stanza ... when it comes to the heart just hurry and deliver the pain so I can heal and move on is what this stanza screams to me ....

Mess with my mind,
Lead me to believe-
That forever will last,
just you and me.
^^^
Oh the beloved head games ... promises spit!

Twist me and twirl me,
Into your optical illusion.
What you see is not what you get,
Sorry for the confusion.
^^^
This stanza gave me the image of a kaleidoscope ....with the twisting and turning ... great imagery portrayed

This game is getting old,
So please make up your mind.
Choose to take my heart,
Or leave it all behind.
^^^
This stanza shouts ... just love me or leave me. Make up your mind.

Your title fits the piece perfectly and emotion slides through the lines as do ... tears to a face!
Nice read

Luanne

While I can see that people can relate to this emotion of love that hurts or is not received, I think as a poem it could have been a lot better at expressing the pain instead of just feeling like words for a reader to look at.

You narrate. Yes, is this is a narrative poem which it most likely is, you would narrate. As a film student for a couple of years, I see it more as directing and telling something what to do. Let me give you an example:

Tear me to pieces,
One by one.
Repeatedly stabbing,
Hurry up and be done.

The reason this one is considered narrative, to me as narrative is basically telling a story, is because you use a lot of action words: Tear/ Stabbing/ and the directing: Hurry up and be done. Repeatedly is telling how much is going on in this, scene, of yours.

Now let's look at it as a non-narrative, non-directing, style:

Tear me to pieces,
One by one.
Repeatedly stabbing,
Hurry up and be done.

Pieces;
Cracked; broken
A shiver down; cold

Or something like that, I don't know, just trying ot make something up but I hope you get the message.

I think you should try inserting a metaphor here and there. You have optical i llusion but what does an optical illusion look like to you: an endless mirror pressed up against, a circle repeating itself, a fake that you can touch and yet would never have?

The rhyming stayed on track.

Wow, another amazing write! You have so much talent, as I have said many times before.
Twist me and twirl me,
Into your optical illusion.
What you see is not what you get,
Sorry for the confusion.
This stanza was so well done, I got shivers, why I dont know. Just the wording and idea of the whole stanza...
5/5

Again with the game. I love this. It's almost like part two to "Depression Game". I like that repeating theme. This one is just as well penned and so full of emotions. It's subtle and yet just right. When reading it, you get that feeling of slowly dying in a painful way. You expressed that well. 5/5