RAPE or not?

I wasn't that old
when my life started to unfold
each night I'd lay in bed
thinking of what he'd done and said
never been more scared
confuse, unaware
the things he would do
didn't know what to do
asking myself "why me"
why couldn't he just let me be
he would tell me to relax
taking what strength i had
tears falling down my face
anger, hate
felt helpless
how could i love him and he be careless
did he care how much he destroyed my life
continuing night after night
wasn't once enough
hos did he manage
i wanted to tell
he put me through hell
he said he'd hurt me worse
but my friends and family first
i wanted it to stop
i fought and fought
he always won
I just wanted a friend, someone