In the Back of My Mind

Having a terrible day
Not one friend
In the back of my mind
I know how the day will end

Rocking back and forth
Crying in my room
In the back of my mind
I know that I am doomed

Reaching for the razor
Drenched in teardrops
In the back of my mind
I know that I should stop

Recognizing the sting
Watching my arm bleed
In the back of my mind
I know this isn't what I need

So many deep cuts
Down to the bone
In the back of my mind
I want to whine and moan

Grasping my arm
Cringing at the pain
In the back of my mind
I know I hit a vein

They'll say "I told you so"
Of course they'll have the nerve
In the back of my mind
I know it's what I deserve

Gritting my teeth
Shutting my eyes
In the back of my mind
I know this is no way to die

Bleeding to my death
Beginning to pout
In the back of my mind
I know there's another way out

Grabbing Father's gun
Chilled by the cold steel
In the back of my mind
I know it must be real

Checking the ammunition
Happens to be locked and loaded
In the back of my mind
I know suicide is outmoded

Though I briefly hesitate
This cannot be delayed
In the back of my mind
I know I am afraid

Grasping the trigger
I finally pull it
In the back of my mind
Is a bloody lead bullet