Comments : His Kiss (dear diary)

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This is a very descriptive account of a very important turning point in the world of sensuality. Very well written.

  • 16 years ago

    by FallingAngel

    It was descriptive,sensual and all around amazing. Great work:) keep it up.

  • 16 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    Okay, I wrote this long comment about it, and then the page F-ed up, and logged me out.

    So this is what I think. I think you need to move this to the "explicit/erotic" section.
    Although it is a love poem, it still has a sense of erotica in it.

    There are also a few grammar mess ups, so go through it and listen to what doesn't sound correct.

    Also, I think changing the format of it would make it look much better.

    Maybe even take out the "..."'s, they are not as dramatic as you would think.

    Anyways, I did like the poem/diary entry either way.

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    OoOoO nice for a journal I must say
    I think to make this poem even more
    Romantic
    try describing it like what it felt like (in more detail)
    what the atmosphere was like
    I think you'd have a winner
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by StonedGooberz

    Dang so this how girls feel when you kiss them...j/k i love the emotion it was great you had me on every bloody word great work-
    raindrops 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by loveANDloss

    Omg that was intense

  • 16 years ago

    by Crystal Gaze

    This was a very cute piece, and I like the idea behind it. I especially like the way it was written.
    I find free verse is more emotionally explanitory, however this piece was a little choppy.
    I think if you edit a bit, and just make it flow more easily, it will indeed turn out as a splendidly sensual piece.

    Keep it up,
    --Elly.

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    I love how you described everything so beautifully .. it really added a nice touch to the poem. Well done. *5/5*