Bleeding Love

by FridusBlueheaven   Mar 19, 2008


Title : Bleeding Love
Written By : Fridus Blueheaven

Darkness in the night, even though it's full moon
The moment is gone, nothing left in this room
History unfold, but I never expect this too soon
Shadows are gone, but still I smell your perfume

An arrow of love has emerged into my weak body
I saw you're there but then your light gone suddenly
Probably I was wrong, but I never thought this could be
In the deepest of my heart, it's only you the girl I see

Faintly heard, mystically I was covered by sound of flute
Machismo of love, but then it should be paid for good
You've changed your mind and you also change your mood
Tried to do my best but then it all ended in misunderstood

A right girl has come, but she's never gonna be my wife
True love that for so long ago, I've been trying to dive
A little love deep inside, but it should be ended in the strife
Bleeding love of mine, but I'll treasure this my whole life

2008 Blueheaven Entertainment (c)

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Keath

    Most of the time I'm not really into love poems, but this one was great. I especially like the first two stanzas; they have very strong sentences.

    The moment is gone, nothing left in this room
    History unfold, but I never expect this too soon

    I think this is a fitting explanation of the subject. Great.

  • 16 years ago

    by The Queen

    What a beautiful but sad piece=(.. You know how to captivate a reader's heart..The longer it gets the more intense feelings you can get..Simple yet amazing lines youve used that made the poem an easy read..Good Job..

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Your word choice his was just flawless in creating such captivating imagery. The flow was just created and each word fit in perfectly. I was hooked from the first stanza and was curious to know how it would end and the ending just blew me away. I could truly feel the emotion in this and it was overall an amazing piece to read. Well done *5/5*

  • 16 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    Stanza one -
    "Darkness in the night, even though it's full moon"
    Such a strong way to say they light up your life. Wow I really adored that and its a great first line to pull the reader in.
    "Shadows are gone, but still I smell your perfume"
    This line left me wanting to read on because its creating a story. Its like a hook which grabs the reader in.

    Stanza two -
    "An arrow of love has emerged into my weak body
    I saw you're there but then your light gone suddenly"
    I felt here that the first line was so strong but the one following missed something. "Then your light gone suddenly" Did you mean "Your light is gone suddenly" Don't be afraid to add those little words in to make sense, a lot of the time they help the flow too.
    "In the deepest of my heart, it's only you the girl I see"
    I say move the comma to after "you". But thats just me. (:

    Stanza three -
    Daaaamn, This is my favourite stanza. I got tingles down my spine. Your word use is excellent, but not over the top. You add in good vocab when needed but don't feel you need it to make a poem. Imagery was fantasic here also. Yep, Favourite stanza for sure.

    Stanza four -
    I think this stanza was a bit weak to pull together the full poem. It doesn't really conclude, even though it seems thats what you're aiming for. Maybe try a different angle? I'm not sure. A different ending. It can be based on real life, but you can play with it. You create the story. Make it tragic, Make it heartbreaking, Or make it fairytale and romantic. But don't leave it dull.

    In this I found your rhyme was much better and less stiff.
    You did really well.
    5/5. (:

  • 16 years ago

    by Kayla

    This poem was absolutely amazing. The title alone caught my attention, but the actual poem itself.. wow. It was just so capturing, I couldn't tear my eyes away from it. The words you used were beautiful and pulled me deeper into the poem. The flow was smooth and it was very neat and organized.. the work of a professional. I think my favorite lines were these:

    History unfold, but I never expect this too soon
    Shadows are gone, but still I smell your perfume

    I could picture scenes from this poem out in my head. It's ones like this that I really love and I'm glad that I joined this site. Great job! Keep it up, you're very talented. 5/5 <3 <3 <3 <3

    ~Kayla~