This poem is beautiful and a delightful chnge from the average formating

That was absolutely awe-inspiring. Just gorgeous. It's so beautifully different from the MANY other poems that use the context of "I still..."

I still hear
in the mists of slumber
whispered lullabies
from a childhood
I no longer remember
`Breathtaking picture that this paints. I could literally hear voices singing -- a strong, powerful opening. Just incredible.

I still taste
the saccharine melodies
that played so sweetly
in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came
`A bitter sweet last line to the second stanza. The use of "saccharine" makes the words just so much stronger -- so sugary, but the verse ends with a poignant emotion.

I still recall
the lyrics to our songs
and even now, I wonder
why you didn�t take your guitar
with you when you left
`A question that holds such sentiment -- it's absolutely haunting and tugs at my own cords of an old loving memory.

I still feel
these memories plucking at
my heartstrings and I
still hear the notes
lingering in silence
`My first reaction to the use of "heartstrings" was, NOOOO. It's a term used quite often, I've seen, in poetry these days, but then I read to the last string of words and I'm blown away.

I know already used this word, but gorgeous, GORGEOUS job. Just so refreshing and enchanting.

--..MiNDYY

--I still hear
in the mists of slumber
whispered lullabies
from a childhood
I no longer remember--

^Very remarkable opening stanza, you already painted a totally vivid picture inside my mind and truly kept my attention with every line, captivating and absolutely unique start. Greatly written.

--I still taste
the saccharine melodies
that played so sweetly
in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came --

This stanza is filled with amount of creatively expressed, strong emotion, you continued this poem in same compact style. Bravo, bravo!

--I still recall
the lyrics to our songs
and even now, I wonder
why you didn't take your guitar
with you when you left--

^Last two lines are so deep and you written entire stanza wonderfully, very impressionable descriptions and you described your thoughts on a fantastic way.

--I still feel
these memories plucking at
my heartstrings and I
still hear the notes
lingering in silence --

Powerful ending, wow! You added a very impressive tone to the rhythm of whole piece, and I honestly can say that this poem impressed me. I like whole metaphor and overall I must say that I enjoyed so much, so thanks for sharing, this is excellently written. I think that it would be even more effective if you started this poem with line--lingering in silence -- and ended it on a same way, cause that would even more better describe overwhelming and never-ending cycles of strong emotions in which you are captured(I think the point is that you can't forget that -song-), but that is just my personal opinion.

Well done! Great job!

This has to be my fave from the two because it just captured my heart with your first stanza .. amazing. Your use of repitition was effective in protraying your message and I loved how it fit the poem so flawlessly. Your imagery was clear and just inflicted different emotions in me.

"in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came "
^ I just love how this line sounded when I read it out loud. It was so heartbreaking yet so beautiful ...

Well done *5/5*

First off, I can tell you're a poet. I like the take on this. You made a situation into a music related, emotional, poem. Bravo.

I especially like

"in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came "

It was a very nice closing to the stanza. I love the expression, and you can feel the numbness and sadness underneath the surface. Very well written.

love ya lots,
~sore

First off let me say thank you for that magnificent comment (its been praised). I took some of your advice and changed somethings in my poem. I bet it took a lot of time and I really appericate it. Second, yes you may use the Latin phrase lol.

Now your poem.
Starting at the top :)

The Title is a great catcher. A strong title makes a strong begining just as well as a first stanza.
"Lingering In Silence" It has this ring to it.

This poem was very simple yet very unique. I truly enjoyed the way you used the words.. you had the simple words here.. then a strong word to tie it in all together. Its a wonderful piece :) I really liked how you put the repeated: I still.. It echos through each stanza.

Stanza o1:
I keep wanting to say the word: echo. Maybe beacause your reminsing on the past. In this stanza I find that last line the strongest. *Echo echo* :)
Stanza o2:
SACCHARINE. it had me running to a dictionary. I love being introduced to new vocabulary :) kudos.
Tasting music that sounds sweet. A great -I'm at a lost for a word- analogy? metaphor? "For the kiss that never came" Simple yet full of emotion and power
Stanza o3:
I think this is your weakest stanza. For some reason this kinda poked at me: "the lyrics to our songs " lyrics. songs. I don't know but maybe its just me. lol. The way you ended it: "why you didn't take your guitar with you when you left" seems almost like a run-on sentence and leaves you hanging at the same time. But again.. it could just be me :P
Stanza o4:
This is my ABSOLUTE favorite stanza. Memories plucking at your heartstrings.. That's great personification right there. I could see it in my mind.
You pulled the title through the entire poem and presented it at the very end. Creating a excellent resolution.

The only thing else I'd like for you to do ..(yes I'm anal) is to capitalize each letter in the begining of a line. Its like.. poetry... equiette. lol I've been badgered by other poets and now I'm badgering you ;)

In the end: A great piece.

5/5

Aww!!.i love it!!!.it has so much emotion it is really sweet..this was my favorite stanze......
"I still taste
the saccharine melodies
that played so sweetly
in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came "
^^^..i love it!!!!!
great job!......5/5

Ok i really liked this poem. i enjoyed the simplicity of the wording, yet underlying complexity of the emotions.

One thing i didn't like was that throughout your stanzas there wasn't any punctuation!

Also, the poem did flow well, but i feel that some parts, mainly the third stanza could have been better. the last lines in the thir stanza almost rhymed, except for the last one , and this really threw me off the rhythm.

i really enjoyed the ending as well. It worked realyl well with the emotions and meaning of the poem. It ended it clearly.. but also left you open to wonder.

Great Write

xx
Lauren

Reminds me of my mother. beautiful.

Beautiful poem excellent job very well written

I love the fact that you used like a music theme all the way threw the poem. and each stanza had a few references to hearing music or playing music.
I really like it where you say you taste the sacchrine melodies. that is a wonderful touch.
GREAT GREAT JOB! 5/5

5/5 a poem incorperating my favorite instrument.. flowed well. Very sad. But good.
-Syn

Wow. just wow.
the only thing that kinda made me like 'grrr' was the feeling that you had something else to say. like it just kinda ended... without warning. i wanted to know more.
i love how you used -i still- in the first line each time. that subtle repetition made it really stick in my mind.
and your choice of words was really good, pretty much perfect.
great job.

--> Sandra

Very good!!

This piece is deeply touching, it holds equal amounts of beauty and heartfelt sadness. Overall, I enjoyed very much.

You created really good and effective repetition with "I still" at the beginning of every stanza. That added original and serene flow to the whole piece.

This poem is truly elegant, beautifully written. I like your choice of words in every stanza a lot.

- I still hear
in the mists of slumber
whispered lullabies
from a childhood
I no longer remember-
^^
Great opening stanza, it pulled me straight into this piece. Whole description here is fantastic. I like "whispered lullabies" line, so simple yet very emotional.

- I still taste
the saccharine melodies
that played so sweetly
in the dance hall as I waited
for the kiss that never came -
^^
Saccharine memories- amazingly original and creative. Every line of this stanza is excellently worded, it sounds so personal, like it came straight from the heart. This is my favorite part of the poem.

- I still recall
the lyrics to our songs
and even now, I wonder
why you didn't take your guitar
with you when you left-
^^
The ending of this stanza truly touched me, it holds deep sadness which is truly greatly expressed. I also like the flow of this stanza a lot.

- I still feel
these memories plucking at
my heartstrings and I
still hear the notes
lingering in silence -
^^^
"memories plucking at heartstrings"- very effective. Great ending and conclusion to this piece.

All in all, I think that you did excellent job with this poem.
Keep up!
5/5 from me

This was very good, i liked the opening stanza that was awesome keep up the good work

This poem is very interesting! But i didn't know if those were the emotions you were really petraying or you were just making a poem to the five sense because you forgot smell but this poem is very cute and it flowed very well but i was just confused on the topic you chose to write about! 4/5

All i can say is... Wow... the way you wrote this piece was simply amazing.

I still hear
in the mists of slumber
whispered lullabies
from a childhood
I no longer remember
^^ ^^ ^^ ^^
this would be my favourite stanza, along with the last. i still hear lullabies from my distant childhood also.

it was told so well, like a story. and the ending was absolutely brilliant. the pain and feeling that you put in this piece earns it a 5/5

an absolutely fantastic read

Keep Writing, hun
As Always,
~NinjaGirl~

I like this poem, escpecially this part;
I still recall
the lyrics to our songs
and even now, I wonder
why you didn't take your
It makes you feel like he/she left the guitarr because they will be coming back someday. 5/5

I love this poem, this is the second poem of yours that I've read and I am definatly going to read more.
5/5