My Heart Didn't Break [No] It Crumbled

You must lay awake in bed putting together your sentences,
Mixing them with just the right amount of honesty and deceit,
Because it's beyond me to think any person to be so clever,
Yet I'm sitting here, wondering how you manage your discreet.

I'm screaming made up words and thinking jumbled thoughts,
In an attempt to master your air of such undeniable superiority,
But still unable to catch your heart, let alone your striking eyes,
My suspicion is confirmed: I will forever be under your authority.

You continually criticized me for stating an opinion of honesty,
And empty heartedly believed deceit was the only road to success,
Told me I was worthless, and that happiness was just a fantasy,
But I'm still trying to prove myself worthwhile (I shamefully confess).

Despite contrary belief, your emotional strength is strangely lacking,
And your cheeks are stained with tears that have never been cried.
I don't understand why I still care, for you're nothing I've ever wanted,
And changing you into everything and more is pointless, (yes, I've tried).

It's time to stop pretending like I haven't had my share of give and give,
For my dreams are now entangled in my reality, existing solely as one,
And I can no longer tell the difference between the two (I really can't),
Because the faster I walk, the faster they seem to blur, so I run.

In a dizzied frenzy, spiraling downwards quicker than my heart can beat,
I'm confused beyond any limit of doubt, beyond any limit of stability...
Everybody, somebody, anybody...nobody can even hear me screaming,
But my heart didn't break, [no], it crumbled, "I swear it's an emergency."

March 24, 2008