Comments : Crushed Petals

  • 15 years ago

    by ALEX

    Super great imagery.

    But... a few corrections:

    *not sure if swiveling is the word you were looking for in line 2. maybe spiraling.

    *baron... is like a duke. what you mean is barren.

    Other than that, I love it!

  • 15 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    Yeah, i liked it. good imagery, well done

  • 15 years ago

    by StonedGooberz

    Again with the no rhyming....but hey this is an *watches language* awsome piece . i love the idea behind this piece alot def. one of my favorites.

    the way you turn the rose petals and compare that to a life is *language* beautiful way of writing poetry.

    - raindrops 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Crystal Gaze

    I have no idea why, but as I read this poem I felt like sadness fell over my like a blanket...
    The imagery was excellent, and I loved the read.
    Very well written.
    5/5
    - Paula.

  • 15 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    LOL i LOVED THIS POEM, thinking of how leaves on the ground and refering it to people the idea excels my mind lol.

  • 15 years ago

    by Minkus

    5/5. Now this is more like it. The metaphors are well chosen and applied. This was a very enjoyable read.

  • 12 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Wow this poem is fabulous. You have used such beautiful imagery! The choice of words fit the piece beautifully. There was a magnificent flow. Besides the word corrections that were stated above there is no need for change. Superb piece!

  • 12 years ago

    by Exostosis

    A beautiful piece. Cardinal petals fading atrous, referring to hampering ones inspiration is outstanding. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Stephen

    This poem is nice, but it seems you repeated yourself in way. For example, in the first stanza
    and second stanza you write:

    Rose petals drift to the floor.
    Wilting and swiveling through time,
    like so many dreams now given up.
    Turning black and gloomy.

    Rose petals now brittle and crumbling,
    Upon the baron marble floors,
    crushed under our feet,
    like so many of our hopes.

    So they are slowly dying, I can understand that, the poem makes sense so far.. but the next two stanza's you write:

    Fresh rose petals drift to the floor
    red and soft with youth.
    Staining our feet blood red
    as we slowly kill someones inspiration.

    Poor Crushed petals
    sadly forgotten by time.
    Left behind forever.
    Lost and lonely; dead.

    This left me a bit confused, as the first two stanza's expressed the deteriorating of rose petals, then in the third stanza they are fresh rose petals all over again? It didn't quite make sense to me, overall it was a nice poem though.

  • 11 years ago

    by dan

    Was vary good. It something everyone can take there own way and can c the meaning.