Into the Sea

by Lemma   Apr 3, 2008


A silhouette against the horizon,
Black against a screen of blood red,
Bare feet on the sand,
Broken heart in her hand,
Shattered by words left unsaid.

Once a princess surrounded by glory,
On the edge of a cliff she just stands,
Now fallen from grace,
As her hair whips her face,
She says her goodbyes to the land.

Gulls up above her are screeching,
Daring her to take the big jump,
She looks down at the waves,
To her watery grave,
And her heart begins failing to thump.

Feeling her life force ebbing away,
Her will to live is now diminished,
How did she get here?
What went so wrong?
She gets ready for her big finish.

Nothing can stop her, she's made up her mind,
Though this is not a path that she chose,
Over the edge,
She falls off her ledge,
And into the sea she goes.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Romancing the Darker Side

    She looks down at the waves,
    To her watery grave,
    And her heart begins failing to thump.

    ^I like those lines, especially the third one. The way everything tied together was nice.
    I like that you were able to pull a whole story out of just one event.

    Your flow was a little off, but it didn't matter too much.
    I also liked your rhyme scheme. While it was a little hard to detect at first, I finally got it.

    You need a comma in the line, "Nothing can stop her she's made up her mind," in between her and she's. Unless you're going for a rushed feel, I'd recommend punctuation.

    All in all, I liked it. 4/5 for minor flow and rhyme issues.

  • 16 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Great job hun xx

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