One slip

by violet   Apr 9, 2008


Life is sweet and under contol
but there is one little moment
that happens will make it continue
you pay the tole
whats not under control?
that goes down the hole and completes this fall
its one problem that will ruin it all
you need to let go
with one little
slip

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by JustKristina

    This was a pretty good start for a poem, but it can use some work. i agree with Sammerz that it is shaky adn the word choice wasn't all that amazing. different words and descriptions would make it 10x better. i'm not saying its horriable, just that it could be better.. keep up the good work! :]

  • 17 years ago

    by XAlwaysXBrokenX

    I understand the poem but you need to use words that are better to understand!! 4/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Sammerz

    The flow of the poem was a little shakey and i think if you use different words and make it a little more understandable to read and make your point more clearly then it would be an even better poem
    Overall good poem
    4/5

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