Your Beauty Steals My Sense of Fear Away

by Jenn   May 3, 2008


Your beauty steals my sense of fear away
True eyes, I gaze in, banishing the clock
I've not to fear a thing hurts you today

If waters raged, I'd cringe; and now I pray
We'll have those bolding mornings on your dock
Your beauty steals my sense of fear away

Still years and you have not a thing to say
Once broken, beaten, battered off the rock
I've not to fear a thing hurts you today

When lived so long, is all you see in grey?
Though, colors broke my own dismaying lock
Your beauty steals my sense of fear away

You've shown me to a path I'll freely stray
So now I couldn't think you're lost in walk
I've not to fear a thing hurts you today

Divine I may allege you, I am so gay
This wonder leaves me longing for your knock
Your beauty steals my sense of fear away
I've not to fear a thing hurts you today

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  • 11 years ago

    by Daniel Mulvany

    Let me start by saying that I believe that comments should all be honest constructive criticism. If I say I didn't like something, it is because I didn't. On the same token, if I like something I'll let you know. With that said...

    I think the problem with writing some poetry with a certain rhyme scheme is difficult because you at time feel forced to sacrifice what's good for the poem to make it fit the rhyme scheme. I felt that parts of the poem were forced. Particularly the second stanza.

    My favorite line is this wonder leaves me longing for your knock. I think that was the most important line in the poem, and it came toward the end. One of the hardest things with poetry is to finish strong and give that spine tingling feeling.

    The title is awesome. Really love the title. In face, I love it so much more that this particular piece that I think that you should challenge yourself to write a poem, not a revision of this one, but a new poem using the same title. See what you come up with.

    Not everyone's gonna LOVE every poem you write. In face, some people might not like any of it. This definitely wasn't my favorite. But, there are poems that I've written that I don't particularly care too much for. But I've used them as experience. I look back now and am able to see how far I've come creatively.

    Overall, good idea. Don't like the rhyme scheme, but you made a fair attempt. Keep writing and keep improving.

    Oh, and be as tough as you'd like when commenting on mine. I welcome serious critiques.

    Daniel Ray Mulvany

  • 11 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    This is truly beautiful from the beginning to the end.
    You managed to created great rhythm and flow through the whole poem, rhymes are really good and the repetition of the first line through the poem is very effective.
    I like your choice of words and descriptions a lot. The imagery that you portrayed brought me to completely different world, it's so beautiful and vivid. Also, I think that you managed to express your emotions excellently, this poem is deeply touching.

    My favorite stanza is;

    - When lived so long, is all you see in grey?
    Though, colors broke my own dismaying lock
    Your beauty steals my sense of fear away-
    ^^^
    Amazing....

    All in all, greatly done.

    5/5 from me

  • 11 years ago

    by noha

    Waw its great poem and beautiful words you got here,rhyme was good and flow too but the last stanze was longer than the otheres but we still got it ,and i realy love the titel as it makes me interest to see what you write inside,you did great jop and keep writting 5/5