Comments : Need

  • 15 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    Psssh, Lace this is great.

    The beginning was definitely your strongest, though, like most of mine. I guess you always seem to start off strong and then... you fizzle out. o.o

    Infectious cravings of a deep memory
    prick the inside of my conscience.
    Sweet reminders of a love now lost
    enervate my knees,
    causing a crash without end.
    ^^This whole stanza is my favorite. ^.^ I love the word "Infectious", it makes it sound like some kind of disease.. which I guess it could be if you think about it. Love can be a disease. HAHA. That made me smile. >.>

    Oh, how the memory of you still sticks like taffy;
    stuck, and tongue tied.
    The hunger for your touch, your voice,
    makes me sick.
    ^^This was an amazing simile. It's like his memory will never go away.. and it's a bit annoying. Brilliant.

    A love like yours, lost or gained,
    is my only necessity to survival.
    ^^Aww.. this was so sweet. You only need love to survive. ^.^ It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy inside. LMAO. Sorry, I'm in a weird mood. >.>

    Anyways, sorry it's not much of a comment, my brian is officially fried from my poem, but it's very good! Way better than mine. Ha.

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 15 years ago

    by Bugg

    "Tears freeze like ice upon my lips.
    An addiction I wish not to overcome."

    These lines are soo amazing! The second line describes how I feel about this guy I like... Dunno if that's how it's portrayed, but that's how I took it. So, all in all, I liked it. If this poem doesn't win that contest, I will be shocked. o_O

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Beautiful write...
    the flow is amazing...

    "Infectious cravings of a deep memory
    prick the inside of my conscience.
    Sweet reminders of a love now lost
    enervate my knees,
    causing a crash without end."

    ^^ this stanza is so captivating... very powerful... good word choice...

    "Tears freeze like ice upon my lips.
    An addiction I wish not to overcome.
    A love like yours, lost or gained,
    is my only necessity to survival."

    ^^I could feel some desperation behind the lines to regain love... not to loose someone very close...

    excellent write...

  • 15 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow...
    This is remarkable, truly amazing. This piece brought me to completely different world weaved with emotions and vivid images. The poem is greatly written from the beginning to the end and I like your choice of words a lot in every stanza but the third and the second stanza are endlessly breathtaking. This is very descriptive piece, you added very effective details, adjectives and metaphors within every stanza. Also, whole poem is original and refreshing, one of the best poems from sadness/ depression category I've read in a while. I can't find anything to critique here, you did excellent job with the whole piece.
    Maybe you need more powerful title but other than that this seem flawless to me.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nix

    You made excellent connection with title, truly refreshing.

    -Infectious cravings of a deep memory
    prick the inside of my conscience.
    Sweet reminders of a love now lost
    enervate my knees,
    causing a crash without end.-

    ^Wow! Truly fascinating stanza, your choice of words is great and you managed to create so powerful and vivid images in my mind, at the same time expressing emotions excellently.
    I just don't see why you used -the- in second line.

    -Oh, how the memory of you still sticks like taffy;
    stuck, and tongue tied.
    The longing for your touch, your voice,
    makes me sick.-

    ^This is deeply powerful and you expressed so much, though I think that you could use something more effective than -makes me sick- that quite threw me off but other than ending this stanza posses same breath-taking and bittersweet beauty as the rest.

    -Nauseating thoughts of an obsessive desire;
    I am yours.
    Let me bend to your will.
    A slave to some, devoted to you.-

    ^Brilliant, truly brilliant, I found complexness within simplicity of this words.

    -Tears freeze like ice upon my lips.
    An addiction I wish not to overcome.
    A love like yours, lost or gained,
    is my only necessity to survival.-

    ^I personally think that you don't need -like ice- in first line, tears freeze is powerful enough.
    You actually continued sentence which you started in second line so instead of full stop on the end of second line should be comma.
    Other than that this is creative and captivating.

    I honestly enjoyed, you wrote this brilliantly.

  • 15 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Awww thats brilliant work, i loved your title choice, its so amazing how much talent you have to be able to write somethign like this. you can spend hours reading poems and then you find one like this and it makes you think wow, and then it takes you ages to find another poem as good as it!!

    i liked the deepness of your words in this poem and the expressions were very powerful.

    this poem really reached out to me and i thank you for sharing it, hope to read more. well done it was a brilliant job xxxxxxx

  • 15 years ago

    by Gness

    Short yet so much meaning in it well done!

  • 15 years ago

    by Gness

    Short yet so much meaning in it well done!

  • 15 years ago

    by Jodie Phillips

    A very well written poem, your choice of words clearly shows and the desperation leeks out. I love the way you have made it very in depth and like an illness....brilliant

  • 15 years ago

    by Love vs Fate

    Wow..This poem just blew my mind away!!! :) I love it... ;) lots

  • 15 years ago

    by fearose

    Addiction to candy is what I think. It's like the love is sickly sweet.

    "Oh, how the memory of you still sticks like taffy;"

    I really like how you brought forth this emotion of something that's too sweet. Like suffocating. You are a spectacular writer. Keep up the good work. I enjoyed all of it brilliantly.