Stuck somewhere and cannot breathe

I am stuck and scared, trapped and smothered
I want to disappear.
I have caught myself in the web of confusion
I sit and shake in fear.

How could I have gotten here?
I want it all to end.
I have caused a problem and now I am stuck
Without the strength to mend.

One wants emotion and affection
He is so kind to me
The other wants to touch me
and be commitment free.

But still I choose to love them both
But I now I have to choose
This situation is hurting me
I only have the strength to loose.

I feel like going somewhere
Some place no one can find
Cause right now I cant look at myself
I need to run away and hide.

I wish now to fall asleep
and close my scorching eyes
lay the mask across my face
a shadow in disguise.

I dont deserve to smile
I deserve to feel the pain
closing my eyes, not caring
if I dont wake up again.