I try.

I try to keep it together
So I don't fall apart
I try to keep it together
So nobody sees this broken heart.
But every day gets harder
And I try not to break down
Because I'm afraid one tear will form a river, and
I'm so afraid I would drown.
Yester-year seems so far away,
Then again all of the days bleed together, they blend and fade.

I feel like a missing puzzle piece, just looking for the rest
I feel like no matter how much effort I put into it all
Everybody can tell it's just not my best.
Pretty smiles and make-up don't hide much these days
But oh, oh how I try and try.
All what's left is torn up photographs
While I cry and cry.
The weight of being the centerpiece to everybody's picture perfect life
Is beginning to make me fold
I try so hard and I try so hard
...
I just try so hard.

I want to live and to breath and to feel the wind really hit my face
To embrace this world for what it is and to look up at the sky and feel so small
So I act and I fake and I pretend
While inside I fall into myself, deep and black is the descend.

I just don't know how to stop myself.

I'd rather be numb than to feel what's laid out in front of me,
I can't take this hand so I fold.
I take my medication of smoke, drink, and pills...
Being numb is easier then being alone and cold.
I'm mostly just a shell now, I'm not even sure if I can bleed
I don't know what I want anymore, really...I'm not even sure what I need.

But happiness seems to come so naturally to me, claims the untrained eye
If you really just looked at me, you could see I'd rather just die.
I already feel dead anyway, I just play this game day in and day out.
I can't even look myself in the mirror now,
All I see is shame, guilt and doubt.

But really. I try.