Last words of dieing love

by living for the moment   May 14, 2008


My love for you will never run weak
For you are the one that makes it complete
I haven't seen you for many weeks
But still your love I'm out to seek

I can hear your voice when I sleep
I feel your love cause that's what I keep
We walked and talked like nothing mattered
But then something happend and everything shattered
I tried and tried to bring the pieces back together
But that was nothing... cause to you it didn't matter
100 words seems pretty hard
But i got flowers, chocholets and cards
When that failed I sang my love to you
But it didn't matter your heart was too blue
All your friends made fun of me
But I laughed along grecefully
Knowing none of then have ever felt this feeling
But still this was nothing to the heart you began sealing
I tried more and more hopeing for the best
But you changed.... just like the rest
The love was true
Between me and you
But now you have failed the love test

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is pretty good, here are my thoughts:

    First stanza was good, nice opening.

    Then having the rest of the poem all together makes it not so enjoyable to read. So try separting that into different stanzas that have about the same amount of lines.

    "But i got flowers, chocholets and cards"

    chocholets should be chocolates.

    "When that failed I sang my love to you"

    Awwww......such a cute little line!

    "But I laughed along grecefully"

    grecefully should be gracefully

    "Knowing none of then have ever felt this feeling"

    then should be them

    "But still this was nothing to the heart you began sealing"

    I think that heart should be hurt.

    Otherwise, you did a pretty good job. Take care! :)

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