Third night and still no knife

Third night,
and still against my wrist I hold no knife, see my journey has been short,
but this feeling is like none I've ever felt before
This feeling has creped in
and I don't know how,
I think this feeling is called belief in yourself
Third night
and still against my wrist I hold no knife,
third night
and yet still haven't told myself I'll fail,
but instead that maybe this time there will be no self-expected fall
Third night,
and still against my wrist I hold no knife,
maybe I've finally found the strength I've searched for so much of my life
Third night
and not much to say other than,
this is the end,
the end to me destructively killing the pain
The end to me and my partner,
known as the razorblade

[i'm not really shure i can last much longer, but i'm trying]