Get Back in Time

by Illusion   Jun 8, 2008


Oh! I think
I have skipped a beat
My mouth is choked
and my breath stiff

Give me some air
and give me some time
If not, give me
friends and bright sunshine
and show me a place
where I will find respite

So I wake up before dawn
lay silent on green lawn
I look up at the winsome sky
it stares back with crimson smile

I sit back
my friends join
admiring beauty of
an unforgettable journey
called LIFE

We decide to get back
keeping memories by our side.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Rinji

    Nice poem seems very good, but in my opinion between the lines "and give me some time
    If not, give me" it seems to rub kinda weird like it's missing something

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    The remembering is often times as pleasurable if not more, as this poem reflects on in fine style

    Well done

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Sorry, I accidentally posted my comment too early. Haha. I had more to say. Anyway, I love the ending that you put there. The poem was good, it was short, it was a nice poem. However, those are just a few minor adjustments I would make myself if it was my poem. You don't have to use them. I just like to make suggestions. 5/5. Nice work.

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Oh! I think
    I [may] have skipped a beat
    My mouth is choked
    and my breath [is] stiff"
    -I'll try giving you feedback. If you want to use it, go ahead. :] Okay, what I think you should insert I will always put in [ ] brackets. So make sure to check that.

    "I sit back
    my friends join
    admiring beauty of
    an unforgettable journey
    called LIFE"

    ^_^I'm going to rewrite this below. Because I just don't like the way you worded it. I think you could have added more words along with it. You DON'T have to use my ideas! Remember that. :]

    "I sit back, and my friends join in.
    Together we admire the beauty of an unforgettable journey, called life."

    ^ Maybe you don't like it. But, I think it'd be OK, if you ended it with a sentence, such as this.

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Hey this is very beautifully write...without frnds life would be so dull... they form an important part
    of our life...

    "I sit back
    my friends join
    admiring beauty of
    an unforgettable journey
    called LIFE

    We decide to get back
    keeping memories by our side"

    I loved this stanza... so beautifully written...It really made me miss my friends..

    You could have added some more... but I suppose you liked it this way..

    good job done... keep writing...