What a Mess I Make of My Days

It's hard for me to comment your poems like i comment other people's because i actually know what theyre talking about. sucksssss but I guess I can veer from the content and focus on the mechanics!

Honestly, I really don't like it when a poem is rhymed with the same sound through out. Usually the rhyme comes out forced or the lines become riddled with too many words that make it seem to wordy and takes away from the over all effect. Luckily yours made it out with only a few, in my opinion, "too wordy" lines, such as:

"Throughout each minute and fraction of every whole, happiness seeking day"

This line disrupts the flow of the poem because of how much description you wanted to put on day and thus in my opinion is one of your "too wordy" lines

The imagery in this poem is pretty good through out a few of them rub me the wrong way or maybe i just don't understand them correctly, such as: "thoughtful health" and "deep-dished tray"

Deep-dished tray comes across as a very forced rhyme and a strange image to me. The tray may have been okay but I think a more relevant adjective is in order maybe referring to the emotional aspect of the burden rather than the tray

Since I know what the poem is actually about you depicted your ideas and thoughts extremely well and that is probably my favorite part about the poem: how well you transcribed your real life situation to poem form. I rarely have enough talent to write about real life and have always enjoyed the fact that you can do it, and do it well.

I think your title is quite fitting for the theme of this poem and agree that your days are a mess! should just spend them with me! lol just playing well heres the comment on one of your poems that you used to always complain to me about never giving. i miss you and i love you gorgeous.
Alex