Love for Never

This is great hun, sooooo much better than my first poem!!!

definitely a 100000/5. =)

there are a bit flow problems here and there but, come on, its ur first poem!!!

and i love it. the flow is GREAT in the first stanza and i'll let u no what i love about this poem!!!

You may have it with some
But not with others
You may have it forever
And then for never

[k, girl, flow here is AWESOME. no break in thought process, and the rhythm totally works with what ur trying to say. forever and never rhymes and its put right after the other. i don't know if you realize it, but you've used juxtaposition and that's not easy to accomplish, ESPECIALLY in your first poem... =)]

You think the one that you love
Loves you back
Until he picks another
And sends you back

[k, i no the rhyme could have been better, but i still love it. i didn't notice the same word rhyme until i analyzed the second time i read it, so don't worry about it. and the flow here is great too, especially when you repeated "love" in the first and second lines. =) ]

He tells you to wait
But that wont happen

[this is great it totally shows your independence, but it feels like there's something that need to go on... maybe adding a couple more lines wouldn't hurt! =) ]

I will go live an ex
Like he did himself
And leave me crying a puddle

So what i felt for you
Must not be true
And the same it goes for you

[ok, so here was what i was talking about, the flow problem. since there's six lines in totally maybe you could do a little razzle dazzle and make it sound a little smoother. but other than that i love it, it totally has so much figurative usage and it lets the reader imagine... =) ]

'Cause here i am alone
Abandon just like that
But friends are here to help me
That does not include you
And what you've done to me

[i love this stanza, when your starting the break away from your guy. i would maybe do away with the last line simply because of the flow. but if you could find a way for it to work with the last line, then that would be great, cuz you would create irregularity in your poem and if used the right way, that's great to have, especially for the reader. =) ]

Never again will this happen
My love for you is never
If only you loved me tender
I wouldn't have cried and thought forever

[omg, my fav part is never... tender... forever... cuz once again u use juxtaposition but u also use another element; tender. its a little twist on what u used before and that's perfect cuz its great when poets and authors circle back to the beginning of the poem or the story. it creates a finished mood and leaves the readers in thought!!! =) ]

I loved this joc, u said it wouldn't be that good cuz it was ur first, what r u talking about!??!?!

i loved it, i wouldn't have been able to tell it was ur first poem if u hadn't told me.

keep it up and pm me with updates k?

~Sophie~