What one does when brokenhearted............feelings one goes through........habits one picks, worst still when it takes time to let go.........

"But I perceived hatred is also planted at eden's lane"

This line I love.........nothing is perfect nor lasting.

Your first blunt lie to me
My first feel of the crude destiny
For the first time I cried alone all night long
Now I'm trying to make that a pensive song
=> I feel the bitter taste of your words. I think the begin is very strong. True words many of us can relate.

When I realized life not as it seems
It's not all about pleasant dreams
When you decided to break off the thread
For the first time I felt that, I'm dead
=>First line is missing one "is" I think... Poem has a nice flow... Good work...

First time I tied up myself with the cigarette
Smoke and ashes lies at the heaven's gate
As I used to know, they call love a heaven
But I perceived hatred is also planted at eden's lane
=> I like the expression "smoke and eashes lies at the gate of heaven". It created me an interesting image on my head.. *smiles*

Shame, hatred, anger turned to a rage
I filled up my dairy's page after page
When I walked down alone in your street
I got my first taste of resentful defeat
=> Story goes on.. Revealing a bit more...piece by piece...but leave some imagination for reader..

Then I picked up my reclusive guitar
A piquant pen and a piece of paper
My feelings started to play an eventful word game
And unknowingly came out my first written poem.
=> The ending could not be better. It was surprising... I think it was good..

I think this poem is a different from your previous...and that is refreshing.

This poem is interesting because it tells how poems are born...The feelings...event...and then...they are written on the paper...and submited to net... Nice work. :)

Cool man
you shocked me out there
great poem

Great poem! i loved it!

Excelent!
couldnt stop reading!
keep it up

You have written also a sad poem.

"When I realized life's not as it seems
It's not all about pleasant dreams
When you decided to break off the thread
For the first time I felt that, I'm dead"

This part of poem i like special and int his

"When you decided to break off the thread"

this line specially

good job

Greatttt :)

Guitar... first pem... wow.... a nice jurney... nice poem again sourav.... It was amazing as all ur other works..

Keep it up..

Best wishes,

Karan

I love how this just completely portrays the birth of poetry in a way...it was really amazing and i think alot of people are able to relate.
great job.

5/5 (:

Wooww:)

"When I realized life's not as it seems
It's not all about pleasant dreams
When you decided to break off the thread
For the first time I felt that, I'm dead"

^Loved that part! You really stated your emtions and thoughts well in this poem. I enjoyed reading your words and you wrote this very well. I like the ending part, how you started to write, and a poem formed by that. Nice job, keep on writing! :)

This poem is amazing.
and any person could relate to at least one part of the poem.
it's time like these that people sometimes create their best works.

-naivegirl