Woah..This piece is so cool..hahaha..Very Sweet and cute..I loved how they rhyme..

It's good, but the other onewas better. It's amazing how you managed to find all of the rhymes in this, but it sounds like at times you put in a word not because it fit but because it rhymed. i dunno.
However, there was still alot of emotion and i wasnt bored reading it at all.
I can even see tis girl by the image you made with your words.
Maybe try just rhyming two lines together rather or each alternating line rather than 5 in a row-but it still worked-im not trying to slam you or anything.

Aish
xx

Hey........ a great piece....... amazing poem........
good work keep writing