Comments : Your Past is Gone

  • 11 years ago

    by Cayce

    Aww.. this was heart breaking. You used very simple words, but it almost didn't matter, because I was too caught up in the storyline to care.

    -----> I know you've had hard times,
    But it's all in the past.
    Jim, let's hold on to each other.
    Let's let our love last.
    `` I like how you used his name. It definitely makes it personal, and I'm sure it made Jim happy that you care about him enough to write him a poem. :]

    The past is a hard thing to forget about especially something like that, but it's part of who we are, and if you love him the person he is must be pretty great. Everything happens for a reason. :]

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 11 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    "I know you've had hard times,
    But it's all in the past.
    Jim, let's hold on to each other.
    Let's let our love last."

    ^^ I thought this was a good opening stanza. It's well written, and the rhyming is good.

    "Don't think about what's happened.
    I still love you just the same.
    I don't care about what you did,
    I just want your last name."

    ^^ Wow. I like this a lot. It shows that you care enough about your friend to stick by him.

    "You asked me to marry you
    And said you had something to tell
    You had my full attention
    I listened quietly as my heart began to swell."

    ^^ This is good. It kind of kept me wondering. Ya know, "what is he gonna say?" kinda thing. :]

    "One night you were drinking.
    It was your senior prom night.
    Your girlfriend was mad,
    You'd just had a big fight."

    ^^ I liked this, though I'm not big on the fact that you used "night" twice. I don't feel like it takes away from the piece, however.

    "So you decided to take her home,
    There was a sharp curve in the road.
    You escaped without a scratch,
    Now there's a wooden cross that stands alone."

    ^^ Aw. This is so sad. I really like how it is so heartfelt.

    "You went to jail, did your time
    And now you're a free man.
    I'll always be here to love you
    No one can love you like I can."

    ^^ Again, I'm not big on the repetition of "love you". But as I said, I don't feel like it takes anything away from the piece. It is still beautifully written.

    "I'll forget your past in a heartbeat
    And you need to forget it, too.
    But you'll cover it up and pretend, but
    I know it will always be part of you."

    ^^ This was a really good ending. Only suggestion I can make is take out the second "but" on the of the third line.

    Overall; I enjoyed reading this piece. It was emotional, and heartfelt. I always love reading poetry about true stories and stuff, because I feel like the writer can put more of themselves into it. Good job.

    5/5

    -Briana

  • 11 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Oh wow. This is sad and a very emotional piece. This poem definatly showed how you feel about this guy, and that you do care about him.. which is very nice of you. Your emotions were expressed so clearly that the poem was so easy to follow. The flow was great, and I like how you started to tell the story of what he had went through in this poem and how you kept it as a poem and not like a boring story. You had my attention throughout the whole poem. Overall, a sad piece but very well written =) 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by khobo

    Very nice. I liked how it told a story and how the beginning set the stage for the actual story. I really like the last stanza "I'll forget your past in a heartbeat/And you need to forget it, too./You'll cover it up and pretend, but/I know it will always be part of you." It is very relateable in a lot of situations. Nice work.

  • 11 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Wonderfull write... I really appreciate your feelings your friend... the genuiness of your love for him could easily be felt in your write...

    wonderfully written...
    keep writing..

  • 11 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I will admit that I am a recovering alcoholic
    The poem is well written and the forgiveness is from the heart. There is no reason for me to assume that Jim is an alcoholic because he made a stupid mistake while he was young
    I think your poem reflects well that you have a healthy love and concern that he may have a problem accepting forgiveness if he has not forgiven himself. Any way it is indeed a sweet poem from a sweet heart

  • 11 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    Aww. This is so sad.

    "I know you've had hard times,
    But it's all in the past.
    Jim, let's hold on to each other.
    Let's let our love last."

    This part's my fave. Nice work hunn.

  • 11 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    This poem was quite touching to me. I could feel your voice in this poem. The third stanza was my favorite one. I wish your friend the best and this was a really nice poem to write ^^

  • 11 years ago

    by SilentSuicide

    Such a beautiful thing keep. a friendship after all of that...youve got a heart of gold. and a mind of brilliance with your words. dont stop writing<3

  • 11 years ago

    by LiveLoveLearnDie

    I know you've had hard times,
    But it's all in the past.
    Jim, let's hold on to each other.
    Let's let our love last.

    that^^ says alot about your friendship,
    amazing piece, hard not to shed a tear

  • 11 years ago

    by Amena

    This is a Beautiful touchy sad Poem..
    5/5
    I loved reading it..

  • 11 years ago

    by sHaTtErEdMiStAkE

    The Rhyming Was Fantastic In This Poem And It Has A Lot Of Meaning...
    The Moral Of The Story Is What Got Me When I Was Reading.
    Keep On Writing...You're An Amazing Writer

    Maddi