Thank for same me

by smiley   Jul 11, 2008


You save me before I kill my self
You thought me there was meaning to life
You show me how I love
You show me it ok be happy
If it wasn't for you I wont be alive
Thank for save me from the cr8zy world
Thank for show me the light I owe you my life for it

Ps.I love you

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    ``First off, your title... I noticed it's "Thank for same me." Did you mean to say "Thank you for saving me." Or something? Typo I'm guessing.

    "You save me before I kill my self"
    ``Not worded correctly. It'd probably sound better like.. "You saved me before I killed myself."

    "You thought me there was meaning to life"
    ``Taught not thought.

    "You show me how I love
    You show me it ok be happy"
    ``I don't know what tense you want this poem in, it's kind of all over. And if you do it like this, it doesn't sound worded correctly. So maybe try saying..
    "You showed me how to love
    You showed me it's ok to be happy."
    ^^If I were you, that is how I, personally, would reword this.

    "If it wasn't for you I wont be alive
    Thank for save me from the cr8zy world
    Thank for show me the light I owe you my life for it"
    ``Wouldn't not won't.
    ``Again, your tense. I would say saving not save.
    ``Cr8zy.. Hmm, slang. I wouldn't do that. Just write it correctly. Crazy.
    ``Showing not show. Again, that's just how I'd word it.
    ``And your last line.. I would put a ; between the two sentences like this...
    "Thank for showing me the light; I owe you my life for it."
    ^ Like that, because they were two complete thoughts put in one sentence, and you need that to connect them. :) Otherwise, it doesn't work out right.

    Okay, overall.. another cliche poem. I didn't enjoy it that much. It was kind of boring. I'm sorry I'm being harsh, but I'm trying to help you. If I wasn't being this critical then you'd never improve your poetry. I try to help poets improve their poetry, because you have no idea how much I've been helped in the past. I hope you appreciate my help and comments .. I don't think it's necessary for me to rate your poem, because then I'd be downvoting like I did your other poem.. It needs improvement. Once you change all necessary things.. Let me know. I'd like to take a look back at it and see the editing. For now, I'd probably have to give you a 2. But, I will let you make up for that and let me know when you've fixed this poem. I'd be glad to comment it a second time.