Why do i?

Why do i
choose to believe what you say
when i know deep down
you are lying
why do i
constantly make excuses for you
why do i
stay with you
when a part of me doesnt really want to
why do i
love you
i have no idea
why do i
put myself through this
time after time
why do i
make myself believe
you will change
why do i
change the facts into assumptions
why do i
do it to myself
over and over
why cant i
just face the truth
and admit to myself
that my assumptions are correct
why do i
believe this fairytale life
we have planned together
why do i
lie to myself
why do i need
you
your hurting me
again and again
but the fact is
im letting you
each time you hurt me
i forgive you
now im starting to realise
what i want
what you are lying about
i dont want a lover thats a liar
i have seen through all your lies before
and sort of not cared
but now its different
because
im not sure
if i even want you anymore