Comments : Just a framed memory

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Let me take your hand and a moment for a dance,"

    ^Doesn't make that much sense, try rewording it like this:

    "Let me take your hand for a moment to dance"

    "Down our memory lane, with every conrner spent,
    Who'd have realised just how much this picture meant?"

    conrner should be corner.....

    realised should be realized....

    Overall, good job, just fix those errors I pointed out and your poem will be even better. This was a great poem because of all the feeling you expressed towards her. I liked how you ended the poem with the one question.

    P.S. Here's some titles names:

    "Looking Back", "Not Just A Picture", "Just A Memory", or something to that extent.
    Hope this helps!

  • 15 years ago

    by Shinobi

    Wow, this poem is amazing.
    Although the stanzas were a bit long, it was neccessary for capturing the meaning of the poem.
    The choosing of words here is spectacle, and the flow and rhymes go along perfectly.

    A good name for this poem would be: "Framed Memories"

    An amazing job 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by xoxSwissCheesexox

    I loved the poem!! it's excellent. The rhyming is great.
    Just Amazing 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    This is the first poem i have read here that gave me shivers!..it is SO emotional, and well expressed. I love everything about it...So im giving you 5+ HA! Looking 4ward to reading your other poems, i havent read yet.

  • 15 years ago

    by Tarek

    All i can say is GREAT poem!! i love it!