Something Like My Essence

I started off life on the wrong foot
I just never thought I'll die to this tune
Stuck in reverse

When worse comes to worse
I turn my tears into words
Sometimes it works
And the retained smile inside only hurts
Till I let it out
But with each word written down
I turn just a little bit colder
Life expectancy gets
Just a little bit shorter
I keep falling apart over and over again,
Till nothing remains,
Except a gun to my brain
And a life I just feigned

Now I can see myself
Walking towards that bright light
Ever since I developed this thirst to write
I've been cursed to drive,
This hearse of mine
Jumped headfirst,
In every verse without thinking twice
Guess I was just too immersed in my ambition
To reveal the simplest emotion
I got stuck watching the world move in slow motion
It's like turning your other cheek
Without losing your composure

It was my intuition
To let my heart become the ignition
My attitude, my ammunition
Still slightly delusional
By the beauty and the beast of
Releasing thoughts on a piece of
Paper only when I'm pissed off
Just writing this stabbing pain off
So I can't be wrong
Grabbing a pencil every time I feel aloft,
Relief for me just turned into a soft job

This one is for all the times
I'll lease a smile, heave a deep sigh
And leave everything behind some nights
You say I'm moving too fast
I tell you "nothing lasts"
And I feel as though my life has lapsed
This way maybe you'll understand,
That spontaneity is my knight in white
Armor shinning bright like a guiding light
I still don't think you'd care if I died tonight
As I get high and watch it go by
I'm always anxious for the next sunrise
Maybe today it won't rain
Maybe today I won't feel this pain
Even if you won't stop taking aim
You can't hurt me today

I started off life on the wrong foot
I just never thought I'll die to this tune,
this screwed...