Your poem was hard for me to follow. but thats only becuase i got lost in your beautiful word choice so dont fret :] i really loved this alot. keep up the good work

Yeah i agree it was really good word choice... i did get a little lost also but it was really beautiful and i give it a 5/5...
but i cant help you figure out whats missing cuz i think that its all there girlie!!! GOOD JOB!

This poem intrigues me to no ends!
I honestly think I know what you're missing but I will write it to you personally!

Overall I give you a 5/5!

Great job!

Truly a wonderful poem. I loved the imagery that I was able to see with it and I also like the beginning and last stanza. It flows really well and I really liked the theme of poem, a world full of mystery and illusion, and ethereal presences.

"Let the fantasy and illusion overwhelm" I loved this line. This was very good way to end the poem with the atmosphere it was given. I found it very fun and enjoyable to read! Excellent work.

It had a whole lot of imagery but perhaps too much imagery. If it were written more for a child, I could see the over use of colors and descriptions but as more of an older (but heck not that old) reader, I felt it left a little too less than it could have up to the imagination with everything being told. I wasn't fond of the word you either, it's the same thing with the word I, if you say it more than once then it's like saying over an dover again this is a first or second person point of view poem. It's a good perspective but I felt really was a story to be told and though you try and include the reader by having the descriptions around the reader, it just didn't feel as though the reader could be included, might sound weird though I really can't word things.

My advice, find a balance between imagery and description, and see what is needed to be told and what can be left up to imagine and thought of. Read the opening to a poem, if you feel as though you are included in it and not watching from a far, then I would probably put that in unless you are narrating from an outside point of view. If you want to feel included, and the opening does not feel as though you are, try and leave it out, re-work it for a bit.

Very well written, steady flow, great use of vocabulary with all the different descriptive words.
it was evident that what you were trying to do was paint a picture of a magical world in vivid detail through your words.
In that you deffinetely succeeded. I have an immage in my head now of a bright cheery world filled with blissful ignorance.
luckily its 3 in the morning so i'll be drifting off into my own blissful ignorance soon.
Hopefuly my imagination can compete with the beauty of you poem and bring good dreams. =P
that was great. good job.

Wow. I don't think I'll be able to help you out because I love it the way it is. Incredibly descriptive, nice flow. The images you create seem very soft and mystical. And I would have to agree with Empathy that the last line seems just right to sort of pull it to an end with a subtle abruptness (sorry if that doesn't make sense).

Good job. 5/5

PS. I'm curious to know what book you read that inspired this poem.

This was extremely well written! I loved the imagery in it, it completely brought my imagination to life. The title also grabbed my attention, so a very nice choice on it. 5/5

OMG!!! The imagery was FANTASTIC!!! Every detail, it was...wooooow!!!! 10/5 man^^

Sounds like a place I want to be in. Good word flow and image.

This is so beautifully written... I gives such a feel-good feeling... motivating to remove all our inhibitions and be carefree and happy... like we used to be when we were kids...

such a refreshing read... the word choice is beautiful.. the imagery is wonderful..

great work.. keep writing... :)