Artificial lover

Long ago i gave up asking why you wanted me?
i did in the beginning, but you made it clear you would end it should i persist with my questions.
after that, there was never a discussion, we never seemed to exchange words.

it was all mindless self-indulgence.
we aren't a couple are we?
you're my artificial lover.
i'm your secret sin.

because there is no love.
even if i love you.

sometimes, you stay and i remain awake as you curl about me in your sleep.
i can pretend you love me when you cuddle up to me.
i like it when you sleep.
i can tell myself it's really love.

but i often wonder how such a small bed can feel so empty?
its feels just as empty whether you're here or not.
crying silently, i feel as hallow as your eyes.
for a while i was able to pretend but all my smiles were fake.

and i'm slowly realizing that this is killing me.
your presence is like poison.
i feel certain your kisses will be the death of me.
each caress, each fight, i can feel myself breaking,
you're a deadly addiction.

can't you see my pain? or maybe you don't care?
will you mourn me? miss me?
will another take my place?
in the end, it doesn't really matter.
i just want to step over the edge.

my artificial lover, i have no more to give.

(i miss her...)