Comments : A Stranger : Part I

  • 15 years ago

    by AOD13

    I really didn't understand that ?

  • 15 years ago

    by AOD13

    Could you care to explain to me ?

  • 15 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    Well, it's a pretty long poem. I'd advice you try not to write very long poems. Coz some readers might lose interest or wont even read if they see the poem that is really long.

    Anyway...

    Woken up by what I can not say
    fingers of rain tap softly at my window pane
    it's still dark outside
    it's not yet (shown,) the light of day
    = try changing my window pane to...
    -The window pane.
    - change shown to visible then put a dash after it.

    I came out and helped him to his feet
    put his arm around my shoulder
    (and I look to the sky)
    as the silver rain falls, we both start to weep
    =And I gaze up into the sky

    Oh yeah change all the words to past tense. or whatever tense you're using.

    A suggestion is. Try to use more descriptive words - it enhances the poem.

  • 15 years ago

    by lost and incomplete

    Please please please write part 2 up on here this poem has touched my very core well done xox

  • 15 years ago

    by Minkus

    5/5. Lol, I was about to say that it seemed incomplete when I realized that the title is "A Stranger: PART I." I can definitely see a story unfolding. You may want to check the tenses on your verbs; I think you switch from present to past at one point in the poem, so unless that's intentional, you'll want to take a look at that. Good work nevertheless... PM me when you write the second part.

  • 15 years ago

    by PoetryKnight

    Excellent poem. I cant wait for the rest. lol. kind of inspires me to write a poem, not like this, but still inspiration enough. a 5/5 poem indeed, crying with the rain.
    PoetryKnight
    aka
    Aaron

  • 14 years ago

    by YourThe ReasonIDiedTonight

    This is a really good poem. Your words flowed beautifully. I really enjoyed reading this poem.

    Keep up the great work

    5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Malboros pipe

    I didnt understand that either, dare u explain to me

  • 11 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I like this, I get it, well mostly... I think. I really want to read the rest and also I have to say that even though its a longer poem, I love it. I mean it worked and didn't feel forced yet it seemed amazing. However it feels like it was not planned at all... not that any poem should be, but you get my point... I hope. Anyway I'm off to find the next part!!!!