Fake smile, real tears

My smile has been fake
But my tears have been real
The I have been feeling is so real
The pain, the hurt, the regrets
This is not how I wanted to be
I try to put away my hurt and my pain
I don't want to feel like this anymore

The tears stream down my face
I want to scream out loud
I want to get it out
I want to run away,
Away from everything
Everything that is hurting me

But I know I cant leave this world,
I would hurt to many people
I cant leave my best friend
I'll try and forget my past
And move on with life
I don't know how easy
That will be, but I will give it a try

I'm confused and have no
Idea what to do.
Should I smile and say I'm okay?
Or cry and say I'm not okay?
Either way I hope
One day I will be okay

I cant pretend forever
People already know
Somethings wrong,
They just don't know what,
Maybe I wont say anything
To too many people,

I'll tell my best friend
What's happening in my life,
She seems to care so much
She takes the time to listen to me

Behind my smile,
Behind my laugh
Is my heart in a terrible state,
The worst state its been in years.