I sit here dreading,
All the laughter and joy.
While I'm thinking
of a much greater pln intersting start, most people would look forward to laughter, unless it was at your expense?

Dividing the heart.
Dividing the sin.
Starting to reveal,
The humanity within.
^
Great image...scheming *rubs chin*

I walk here silently,
Devoured and cold.
Thinking about life,
And hot it is getting old.
^
Second line is great, like you're describing the walking dead! Not too sure about the last line though, its a bit busy!

Devaluing Life,
Devaluing mind.
Trapping our souls.
It a demonic Bind.
^
Great flow and words - well done!

I cry here dreading,
All of the false love.
As I fall down in vein,
As my heart keeps bleeding,
I wonder if Im still sane.
^
There is an extra line in this verse.
Sanity, who can really judge such a thing, certainly not ourselves. A intriguing ending!

Overall, well done.

Michael

I lay here dying,
As the world just walks by,
This is better then crying.
Despite the world before.

As my last words
Sliver from my blood dried lips.
I say screw you world.
As my heart is worn out and sore.

Aw this was really sad but another great poem.

only "And hot it is getting old." is it supposed to be hot or how? how might flow better but overall i really liked it. 5/5

Opps yeah its how

Ooooo Nicely done my friend : )

beautifully bleak, I'm sure this took alot of your chest. You put alot of heart into this. It's amazing.

I cry here dreading,
All of the false love.
I know what you mean, that was really incredible.

Wow I was never this depressed when I was 14. Jeez. Well since you said not to take it easy because you're "an adult in the forums", I'll treat you like an adult here.

Your rhymes seem a bit forced. Especially the first two, "joy" and "ploy"

And you kinda killed the flow in the fifth stanza, when you added a line. With that, you also ended the rhyme scheme. Why?

"Devaluing Life,
Devaluing mind.
Trapping our souls.
It a demonic Bind."

I think this idea is really good. The last line is a bit confusing. Try something like this,

"Life drags on,
devaluing mind,
Trapping our souls,
In it's ever demonic bind."
-A thought, take it or leave it.

"As my last words
Sliver from my blood dried lips.
I say screw you world.
As my heart is worn out and sore."
-Add some quotes when you say something.

"As I fall down in vein,"
-I believe it would be in 'vain', not vein.

"Despite the world before"
-Yeah, I'm confused. What are you talking about with this line?

You have very defined emotion, now work on that technique and you'll be on your way to great material.

:)

Awesome, but i Would have made the last line ryme it would have had more effect