I'm ashamed to call you father

When did you decide that I was not worthy?

I wanted you to be there so bad
And you promised me you would be
And you always left
You always found something better
I was never good enough
And you would apologize
And I would accept
Those tangled lies you told
And she would too
And you would be back
Telling me it wouldnt happen again
And that you cared
And you could change for me, for us
And then you would leave
And I would cry
Because you said you would be there
And you never were
And I grew up
Without you
And you should have been there
You should have seen all the things you missed
You should have loved me
You shouldn't have lied to me
I wanted you to think I was good enough
I was a reason
And I never was
I was the problem
And something else was the solution
And I hate you
I hate you
You were not there
When I needed you
You lied to me
You told me that it was the last time
Every time
And it never was!!!
It never was
I lost myself
Every time you left
And you never even cared to know
You would walk back in like nothing
Like the wounds would
Automatically heal
Like the pain could fade into oblivion
And that I would forgive you
And I did for a long time
And then one day I stopped
And I hated you
And I hated god
And I hated you more
I wish I never knew you
I wish sometimes I was never born
I dont want to be affiliated with you
I pretend you dont exist
I hate you
I hate you
Stop making me hurt inside
Make your pain you caused go away
Because it is your fault
That I am who I am
Because you left
You always left
And I stood there at the door
Thinking it would be different
And I was never good enough
Nothing was
Nothing!
And I will always hate you.
I will never forgive you
And I will NEVER forget
Never