Comments : When she came into my Life

  • "Do you ever wonder what's inside a person's heart?
    As for me - I always wonder how much time God took,
    To make my angel's heart so beautiful than the rest.
    I always wonder what would be the feeling if her heart belongs to me"
    >ok love the beggining of this poem. the way you started it was very good. i like this stanza. i think is a little shaky, but the messeage in it really gives a sense as to where the poem is going to lead.
    not many people like that, but i do. i think it makes it interesting because i want to read more...

    "Her voice chants the most melodic music to my soul."
    >love this line!!
    the deep love you feel for her just seeps out in this line! never have i read such a beautiful line in a poem!

    the rest of the poem was very good.. it was a little shaky because of grammar, but don't worry we all have that issue.. but try as much as you can to make the poem easier to read...

    i like the way you describe the uneasiness of not being with her. the what if...or i always wonder...all those things show the sadness and love you're holding within.

    So great poem keep it up!!

    **Ada**
    *aBSwaBHiaPL*

  • 12 years ago

    by Prasad Baadkar

    Until a miracle happened .... n she walked into my life..

    To how many ppl does this not happen... Wonder.. It happens to all of us once in a lifetime..... n d moment is photographed forever... that can make one smile inn the sadest of sad days n times... Keep it up marc...

    Best wishes... Karan

  • 12 years ago

    by Nicole the Fairy

    Okay, here I go!

    First Stanza:
    "Do you ever wonder what's inside a person's heart?
    As for me - I always wonder how much time God took,
    To make my angel's heart so beautiful than the rest.
    I always wonder what would be the feeling if her heart belongs to me..."

    > Very sweet stanza. Loved the usage of words, and its good that there arent so many fillers =] Leaves a smile on my face, as it sounds much like a romantic =]

    Second Stanza:
    "My angel's eyes outshines the star's radiance from the skies
    And every smile from her is an enchanting aura to my heart.
    Her voice chants the most melodic music to my soul.
    And every moment with her is a heavenly blessing from God."

    > Also love the words and vocabulary in this one, 'radiance' and 'aura'. Really thoughtul, and great descriptive words.

    Loved the line:
    "And every moment with her is a heavenly blessing from God."

    > Because it is such a positive and romantic line. One of my fav's =]

    Stanza 3:
    "I always wonder how happy the luckiest guy is,
    Because her heart beats and will beat for him alone.
    I'll always wonder through eternity if she'll ever see me,
    As someone she'll walk with until the end of time."

    > This stanza is also a little emotional and romantic, as it puts me in a position Im sure everyone is in - always wandering if he/she will see them. Sad stanza, to me, but the word usage is also it gives me a little feeling of hope in this. Well done =]

    Loved the line:
    "I'll always wonder through eternity if she'll ever see me,"

    > Because I always think this. Relates so well to me, and it really hits home! =]

    Stanza 4:
    "I'll always wonder if one day she'll realize,
    How unhappy I was before she said, "Hi" at me for the first time.
    I'll always wonder when will be the time she'll let me,
    Return the happiness she has given me since I met her."

    > Hmm loved this stanza also, however, the second line, "... before she said, "Hi" at me..." this line kind of bugs me because of the 'AT ME', maybe just when she 'said hi TO ME THE FIRST TIME' ?? Suggestion =] But overall good stanza.

    Stanza 5:
    "Because in my lifetime, I was never satisfied with anything,
    Until a miracle happened to me, she came into my life."

    > A great way to sum the poem up :) Enjoyed it. Also the use of the word 'satisfied' -- good word choice :)

    Poem Summary:
    Overall I think it was a nice and romantic, yet sad poem. I loved it, but I think, maybe with a bit more encouragement and effort, it could be so much more! :)

    Well done! Keep up the great work! :)

    4 / 5

    Nicole

    xx

  • 12 years ago

    by january friend

    "I'll always wonder if one day she'll realize,
    How unhappy I was before she said, "Hi" at me for the first time." the first hello is always great feeling, then the rest is history. good poem.

  • 12 years ago

    by vintage darling

    You had me at the first line :
    "Do you ever wonder what's inside a person's heart?"

    it was wonderful...

    and my favourite stanza was:
    "I always wonder how happy the luckiest guy is,
    Because her heart beats and will beat for him alone.
    I'll always wonder through eternity if she'll ever see me,
    As someone she'll walk with until the end of time."

    i love that you tell a story through your poems.
    your image and wording is beautiful.

    never stop writing.

  • 12 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    A very beautiful poem, i really enjoyed reading it =]
    It's well written and you manage to captivate the reader with every word written, amazing job ^^ Your a very talented writter and deserve a 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Do you ever wonder what's inside a person's heart?"
    `Great question! Okay, I really love the opening here, it definatly captured my attention from the start and makes me wanna read more. You may express your thoughts regarding this question, yipppeee. I am so excited! Such a great opener, wow. I'm very impressed. Great great great!

    "As for me - I always wonder how much time God took,
    To make my angel's heart so beautiful than the rest."
    `Love your thoughts. It's beautiful to hear other points of views. I truly wonder this as well.

    "I always wonder what would be the feeling if her heart belongs to me..."
    `Hmm, nice nice. I love the wonder, the questions.. so amazingly written as well! It makes the reader think.

    "My angel's eyes outshines the star's radiance from the skies
    And every smile from her is an enchanting aura to my heart."
    `Aww. This is so beautiful! The beauty is oozing out all at once in this poem. It's really beautiful, adorable, wow. :]

    "Her voice chants the most melodic music to my soul.
    And every moment with her is a heavenly blessing from God."
    `Loved the word choice. I don't think that you need And to start the second line, you can do without it.

    "I always wonder how happy the luckiest guy is,
    Because her heart beats and will beat for him alone."
    `Well, I sure hope you are this *lucky guy*. :]

    "I'll always wonder when will be the time she'll let me,
    Return the happiness she has given me since I met her."
    `Such a touching write. I think it's beautiful. I hope that one day you can return the happiness and it will be like a fairytale =]

    "Because in my lifetime, I was never satisfied with anything,
    Until a miracle happened to me, she came into my life."
    `Great ending!

    Overall, great write. However, ahh.. I thought it bounced back and forth. Sometimes you had me wondering were you really this guy, did you really meet this fabulous girl that means the world to you.. I thought it got a bit confusing at times.. but the title tells you from the start, she came into your life.. meaning yes .. lol... you are that guy who met this fabulous girl who means a lot to you. Anywhoo, I won't keep rambling. Such a beautiful write! :] 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by MariaJose94

    Over all really good!
    very nice! made me cry!
    your angel must be very lucky to have you:)

  • 12 years ago

    by Jessica

    Aww its so sweet!!!
    its realy good!! 10/10
    sorry i cant write as good as comments as others life jsut snatches all my time.

  • 12 years ago

    by Birgit

    Aaaahh Marc ^_^
    That's so beautiful. I love how you compare things in this poem, like in the seconde stanza. Or how you keep wondering things. It's beautiful.

    xx

  • 12 years ago

    by letmedie2night

    Nicely written i enjoyed reading it

  • 12 years ago

    by Rowena Smith

    Hey great poem!

  • 5 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    What a beautiful poem especially like the thought that God took out special time to make your loved one so much more beautiful than others.
    The description of your love is wonderful and visual and shouts of your love for her.

    Then the sad twist where you wonder about the man she will come to love because he will be the happiest man alive

    and was unhappy until she said Hi.Wondering if she will realise how much you loved her and how much happiness she brought to you.

    A truly beautiful poem with such a myriad of emotion and so very sad the unrequited love.
    All the best Milly x