Comments : Everyday

  • 15 years ago

    by The Queen

    Everyday I wake up and wash my face
    hoping that I can wash off my disgrace
    I have washed my face over 2000 times now
    each time, I looked in the mirror and wondered how
    -----The opening was subtle somehow although I think the 2000 was a bit off for this stanza. Im not really sure though, probably it represents the year 2008 or something which I think made sense. I liked actually the opening as you will already feel the complexity of emotions within the poem.

    I don't know how was I able to do just that
    look at the person who was looking back
    I guess that I was just playing masquerade
    eventually my fake self had to fade
    ------This stanza somehow for me was so deep and touching. I dont I think the fact that you give up your masquerade showed how much you failed. We pretend so not to get hurt or sometimes things around were too much too take. Now that these lines somehow recognize what was emphasized in the last line was so touching. As per the flow and rhymes, I have no comments on that, as I think they were great.

    I failed as a son, as a boyfriend, a lover
    too many lies, that’s what blew my cover
    I should have just told the truth
    instead it rotted away, until it was loose
    -----Heavy message was conveyed here. I must admit not so heavy lines BUT the impact of just simple lines was so huge and painful. I can feel the pain within the poem, being a person being lied about too many times of a lover and a boyfriend, its weird I can feel the pain and how this person suffered. And as I daughter just like how you failed, I can totally relate. As the years pass by, things would change, we are strong and matured enough to admit those and I do believe these mistakes in the past would only make you a better person that the rest of us. Knowing that you recognize your faults, it was a greatest payback of the past as it is not easy to nurture the guilt feelings.

    I hoped that I would be a father
    but then again why bother?
    I'm sure I'd fail like before
    I wash my face, and I'm not sure

    Dry my face with the towel that hangs on the rack
    I'm sure that tomorrow's another day, I'll be back.
    ------Not so positive ending and it made the poem even sadder. Umm but on the contrary it should how strong you were to just ignore the good part in you. I cannot say anything negative to the way how you end it, as it was your feelings and no one else’s. Somehow I liked it, coz you know, you managed to maintain that numb feeling within the poem. I was once like that until one day I woke up and BAMMM, you only live your life once so make the most out of it. Life is beautiful. Good Stuff..5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Grant Gilbert AKA Slash

    OK i don't know you so i don't know how close to home this poem is, generally i found it to be very well written although a terribly sad look at the self(if true)
    I believe the mere fact that one racognises your own weaknesses it enables one to improve on yourself.
    All in all a sad, melancholy poem, one rife with regrets
    Very well presented with good rhyme and meter well done

    Grant

  • 15 years ago

    by nikki

    Wow this is really good. i like it alot!! I'm sure whatever you did couldnt be that bad though. i gave this poem a 5/5 becuz i like how it just all flowed together. good job

  • 15 years ago

    by Mister 47

    Washing your face with water , water is a pure thing that can wash dirt and souls,
    it si a powerful thing it can break rocks , and give life , to dead zones

    but to wash a disgrace , i soubt how tha simple wash can do that unless it wash away your old look of your self and push you to a better self ,

    everyone fails as a brother and lover specialy , becasue we are not perfect humans , we all do msitakes adn hrut eahother , but the important is how we wash that and return the next day , to fae new disgraces !!!

    great poem, i love it all i can say , tomrow i will be back!!1

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Mazie

    Alot of emotion and words. its amazing and very undescribable. i spelled that wrong but who cares. your poems are amazing!

    Mazie

  • 15 years ago

    by dora

    Aww your poem really saddened me.. i could relate to the first two lines, thats how ive been feeling lately...
    you've written your emotions very well. i loved the ending, it was worded great; very powerful 5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    I thought this poem was very well written it was sad and your pain consumes the reader which each line! I did feel the flow was a little off but given the emotion in the poem such a little thing is easy to look over. Brilliant work this poem is both expressive and heart-felt =]

  • 15 years ago

    by Cara

    Brilliant.. this one left me a little speechless.
    Everyday I wake up and wash my face
    hoping that I can wash off my disgrace

    ^^ my favourite lines, very good opening, made me want to read on.

    I don't know how was I able to do just that
    look at the person who was looking back

    ^^ also great lines. made me question wat i see wen i look in the mirror

    great poem. good flow, good rhyme.

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Wow, this concept was great. It really showed your life and still had a great poetic feeling to it. Very amazing write. The flow, concept, and word usage were all superb! Truly worthy of a 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by BitterXSweetness

    I thought that this poem was pretty good. I rated it a 4 bcuz, I rarely rate 5/5. I mean it would have 2 almost blow my mind 4 me 2 do that. But I thought that it was pretty good. You showed that u had a lot of emotion in it and I liked that. Personally it was a little different 4 me 2 read every line rhyming with the line above it. Like the 1st and 2nd line rhymed and then the 3rd and 4th did. I thought that was pretty neat but different. But over all it was pretty good. =)

  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    This is so sad...filled with so much melancholy that it brings tears to my eyes..

    "Everyday I wake up and wash my face
    hoping that I can wash off my disgrace
    I have washed my face over 2000 times now
    each time, I looked in the mirror and wondered how"

    ^^ I love these opening lines, they're filled with so much depth and emotion that I'm immediately pulled into the piece, wanting to read more.

    "I don't know how was I able to do just that
    look at the person who was looking back
    I guess that I was just playing masquerade
    eventually my fake self had to fade"

    ^^Easily my favourite stanza of the piece. I find this verse to hold more power than the rest of the poem put together, while the imagery created in my mind from these lines is very vivid.

    "I failed as a son, as a boyfriend, a lover
    too many lies, that's what blew my cover
    I should have just told the truth
    instead it rotted away, until it was loose"

    ^^ Not as strong as the previos stanza, but still filled with so much regret and despair that as the reader I can feel my heart dropping with each line I read.

    "I hoped that I would be a father
    but then again why bother?
    I'm sure I'd fail like before
    I wash my face, and I'm not sure"

    ^^ father and bother-while they're similar, they don't rhyme and it threw the flow of for me. Maybe try changing to something else?

    "Dry my face with the towel that hangs on the rack
    I'm sure that tomorrow's another day, I'll be back. "

    ^^Despite the fact the previous stanzas are all quattrains and this is a couplet, it still works very well here and I love this ending. To me it's void of any hope, all that's left is hopelessness, and it makes for a powerful ending.

  • 15 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    Another great piece from you. I loved the opening stanza, very strong. The meter was awesome, and I really liked the fact that not all of the rhymes were perfect, but rather slant rhyme. Slant rhyme is kind of my secret favorite. (; It adds extra interest into the piece. Overall, I felt the desperation in every line. We are the hardest critics on ourselves aren't we? Great job, loved the form, and story.

    Keep writing
    down the bones,
    `Nova

  • "I don't know how was I able to do just that
    look at the person who was looking back
    I guess that I was just playing masquerade
    eventually my fake self had to fade"

    ^My favorite stanza.

    A very original poem and a great read.
    5/5

    -Amber