One Night

Fantastic.. You have used such good language.."
Carry on writing!

She fell into the,
cold darkness of her mind.

That comma shouldn't be there .. It just really makes no sense . I think some of your poems are too short , and should be elaborated on .. And some of them could even be merged together . 4/5 on this one .

Very well done. I can relate. Not too bad. I enjoyed the read 4/5

I really like the idea of this poem.
its an issue that many girls face.
and im sure, many guys would have to deal with this issue also.

i agree with other people, perhaps you could incorporate some more poetic devices in this poem.

but, it is still very good.
keep writing :)

"The darkness is still
there inside her heart.
When she remembers the way
she gave herself to that boy
hoping that he would feel the same."

Oohhh boy...how many girls can relate to this?! Now I'm not sure if this piece is allowing someone into your heart and loving them only for them to walk away if you're hinting at throwing away her virginity...either way the sadness in this piece is beautifully written, there's so much emotion right from the opening lines.

"Throwing away her innocence
on a single whim.
She loved him so much
but he turned her away.

The feelings just were not there
so he walked away
leaving her alone, helpless
with a shattered heart."

^^ Again I wonder how many relate to this...
The heartache of giving someone you're all only for them to throw it back at you and walk away leaving you with nothing is unbearable and hurts so much and you capture this very well in these two stanzas.

"Thinking that she had
done something wrong.
She fell into the,
cold darkness of her mind. "

^^ I like this closing, I find it to be very sad, filled with so much heartache and void of all hope, left only with despair and that makes for a powerful closing.

Beautiful writing on this one.