Mom, Im okay.

A poem I wrote last year..

Don't worry I'm fine
No really mom, I'm okay
I'm just dying inside
Its what I call, everyday

Don't worry mom
They're only tears
Remember me when I fall
Forget all my fears

No, nothing happened today
Everything was great
My only lie upon my face
My only key to escape

I'm just going to my room
And closing the door
Yes mom, I'm okay
As I cry my eyes out on the floor

Are you sure your okay?
Your eyes, their red
I swear to God I'm fine mom
My lies, I dread

Another to cast a smile
And I continue to lie
My mom believes I'm fine
When inside I want to die

What happened at school?
A question asked each day
Just another day of work
I would always say

Your not yourself
You seem all depressed
Another lie I say
Mom, we are all different than the rest

Another day goes by
And my tears continue to fall
I'm fine mom
Really, its nothing at all

When she asks again
Ill tell her whats true
Ill start from day one
And end at whats new

Ill take out the good
And say all the bad
The real reason
To why I'm sad

Ill show her my wrists
And my thousands of marks
Ill tell her whats real
And Ill throw out my hearts

Ill kiss her goodnight
And wish her sweet dreams
Funny she wont ask whats wrong
Ill sleep with my screams

In the morning
She'll find a note
Please don't be sad mommy
Just learn to cope

Dear mommy,
Ill start to say
Please forgive me
This really was a bad day

You asked what was wrong
And I continued to lie
About how everyday was a reminder
That I wanted to die

I let out my tears
All on the floor
You see this note?
CAUTION: When you open the door

For I will be behind it
And wont be able to speak
Ill be on my bed
I've reached my peak

My time was up
And so were my fears
As I continued to fall
So did my tears

Its getting hard to understand
Getting hard to write
I'm getting weaker by the moment
This all seems so right

I'm sorry I had to do this
But I wasn't okay
Even when you asked
I lied to this day

I'm sorry mommy
But I couldn't run
I was tired
And this life wasn't much fun

Theres only one thing to say
Because my heart rate is going down
I know you'll be sad
With the news around town

Just forget I was sad
Forget I was depressed
I guess its true what they say
We are all different than the rest

My voice is getting weaker
Its getting hard to see
Everything I'm writing
Describes all of me

Please understand
That I am really brave
I'm still your little angel
Put that on my grave

Bring me flowers
And whats wrong is in the wind
Forgive me father
For I have sinned

Ill be your light upon your cheek
And your only escape
And when you ask whats wrong
Ill tell you I was raped

I was scared to tell you
And scared for it to be real
I ran to the edge
And made a deal

My blood is all around me
I'm getting really scared
But I cant change my life
Even if I was dared

Its time for me to go
Ill send down my light
For that should show all my lies
And all my held in fright

Ill save a place for you above
Where you can stay
Next time when you ask
The truth, Ill say

I can barley hold this pencil
I can barely even write
I love you mommy
But it ends tonight...