I Lay Here With You Until the Final Goodbye

The loudness of the phone awakens us at 6am.
We look each other deeply in the eyes.
The call has finally come through.
Our lives would be hanging;
However, we couldn't forsee how much.
I listen closely to the voice on the other end of the phone.
Though not spoken directly to me,
I hear the words ever so clearly.
"John your troop deploys this time tomorrow."
He didn't even use military time.
It must have been because of how serious this is.
He flat out said John was leaving.
He hung up the phone so quietly and gently.
I look in his eyes and see how scared and upset he is.

"Kris, I leave tomorrow. We have 24 hours left. I don't want to leave you. Please know that I love you and never ever forget that."
"I know you love me. And, you know that I love you too. Let's just spend this day together. It may be our last. I want to lay here with you until the final goodbye.

I watched John's plane leave after an emotional goodbye.
I didn't know what to do, all I did was cry and preserve the image oh him in my mind.
His gorgeous green eyes that sparkled in the sunlight.
The dark brown of his short crew cut.
And the tanned definition of his muscular, toned body.
John's scent of cologne remained dispersed throughout our bedroom.
Our wedding pictures star at me from the wall in front of me.
We are newlyweds of only six months.
I the age of 19, and John, the age of 20.
Both too young to deal with any kind of loss.
But now I am alone, until he returns.
If he returns...

My prayers remain constant for his safe return home.
I try to pretend he is away for the weekend.
But then reality sinks in as I lie alone in the house.
My days are routine: wake up, go to work, come home, and write to my John.
Slowly I get used to the absence of him.
Almost a month has passed now.
I have the flu and it's hard not having him here to take care of me like he always had before.
This flu persists and is constant for a few days.

The doctor delivers the news to me:
"Kristin, you are 2 months pregnant."
Excitement grows along with disappointment inside of me,
John isn't here to experience my pregnancy.
I tell him we are expecting and he said he would come home no matter what for the birth of our child.
"I will not miss it for the world, Kristin. I promise you."
And just that he does, 7 months later.
John was there to hold my hand as Aiden James was brought into the world.
Two days later he returned to Iraq with nothing more than a goodbye kiss, his uniform, and our new family picture.

Hours, days, weeks, and months had passed.
All that kept me going was Aiden and daily letters from my husband.
Aiden grows more and more each day.
It hurts me that John can not be here to see his son growing.
However, Aiden is a happy baby.
I wish I was as happy as him.
I know I will be the moment John returns to me.

But now, John will never be home.
He is gone from my life forever.
My husband was taken down in combat 2 days ago.

The loudness of the phone awakened Aiden and I.
We stared at each other.
It was if Aiden knew what was about to be spoken from the other end of that damned phone.
"John is gone Kristin. My deepest sympathies go to you and your son as well as the rest of your families. His remains will arrive on base in a few days. We have already arranged a military funeral for him. Again, I am sorry."

Forever gone is my husband, best friend, lover.
I am alone with a baby to raise.
Aiden, alone without his father.

The funeral was nice.
Yet, it was disgusting at best.
I had to watch my John be laid to rest in the cold hard ground.
I sank to my knees and began to cry and cry.
I layed there on the ground until the moment he was completely under.
"I lay here with you until the final goodbye."