Look what youve created

by XxXcrystalXcontagiousXxX   Nov 17, 2008


Oh i see you around walking
with your smile like your
oh so proud?

Well my dear lets just
make this clear.
Ive got you wrapped
around my finger
don't you dare mess
with me.Cause i must
confess .

Ive learned to break hearts.
Only from the best.

Once upon a time i used to
be just like you a lonely little
fool.Now I'm on top and it feels
pretty good knowing i wont be stopped.

I don't consider the game so cruel.
I call it justice.Remember me
that broken little girl?

You've created this monster inside of me.
I try-ed so hard to Love you and just be free.
Time after time i was hurt .

So i hardened my heart just remember
i wasn't always like this.No not from the start

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    You have good flow in this poem along with emotion. It wasn't my favorite by you but it's still a decent poem. You did a lot better with the line endings and such, there were a few parts that I seen needed a bit of fixing but overall thats better with this poem. I thought parts of the wording were off, such as;

    Once upon a time i used to
    be just like you a lonely little
    fool.Now I'm on top and it feels
    pretty good knowing i wont be stopped."

    Maybe try; Once upon a time, I used to be
    just like you, a lonely little fool.
    Now I'm on the top, it feels pretty good...
    knowing that I won't be stopped.

    - I just switched out some of the 'fillers' and exchanged them in different parts with different ones.

  • 15 years ago

    by Brittany C

    "Oh i see you around walking
    with you smile like your
    oh so proud?"

    The way you worded the 2nd line makes no sence. Try puting "with you smiling like your" instead. It makes more sence that way.

    "Ive" in 2nd stanza 3rd line. Should be I've. Thats nothing big. Same thing in the 3rd stanza 1st line.

    Other then those small things it was a great poem and I really liked it. Almost everything was perfect about this poem. I gave it a 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Very lyrical, yet playfuly warning your would be lover
    clever hook

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