When the past isnt the past but the future

Its true when they say that life is but a roller costar
You have your ups then your downs
You have your moments when youre disappointed at what youve done
Then there are moments when you realize your mistake and learn from it

But at this moment Im confused I dont know if this is the real me
I dont know weather to be disappointed or proud

Im stuck in a steady flow of this roller costar ride
And not moving forward or backward

I havent put my past behind
Instead I pretend as if nothing happened
But it did
Everything is affected around me

I look outside my inner circle
Wondering if there is more
Is this just it

But whatever
Things change...
I changed
Things that were important are not

I push my self to a surreal corner
& try not to think of it
But when I do it comes at me hard
And I breakdown
Then I wonder if this really is it
Am I ever going to move up the roller costar

Is this what happen when the past isnt the past but the future reality