Very good poem it was some what mystical. Great wording and flow. 5/5

This piece was really dark indeed..
I loved the beginning and the ending lines. totally impressive !
Loved the metaphor..actually I love everything in this piece
very well done
Write on

I like the image your poem painted in my
mind. Its dark, alluring and interesting to read. Enjoyed it!

"Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief"

^^ this issuch a brilliant starting... it keep you hooked to read on...

and the way you have ended ... brilliant...

"These eyes echo twilights
of Jupiter's insecurities; "

^^ i loved these leaves Although I couldnt interpret what jupiter's insecurities portray :)

The word choice and the imagery painted is superb...
very enjoyable read...
keep writing...

Amazed, amazed, amazed...
I need few moments to catch my breath... right now I'm simply speechless...
What a poem, Mel, remarkable in so many different ways. I don't like to repeat myself, but I each poem of yours is a gem, and I have to say again how much I admire your creative ideas for the poems. This one could be my new favorite from you, it makes me want to read it over and over again just to find all the fantastic details of elegant dark atmosphere that you created.
Everything is portrayed excellently, and I really can't be helpful nor critical right now, just amazed.
I'm honored you wrote this with the title I thought of :)
There is no point in analyzing each stanza separately, because every line is equally... I can't find the word strong enough to describe it, actually.
Overall, I'm in love with this poem. Love it, love it :)

Keep writing!

"Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief"

^Stunnning opening lines, this really drew me into this dark poem, beautiful..

"I'd rather dance with moonlight
then burn beneath the sun,
the man in the moon would mock me
if I had such assailable taste."

Wonderful wording, I am speechless.

"These eyes echo twilights
of Jupiter's insecurities;
while the breeze shall surrender
your heart into the night."

Wow, what intriguing detail! These words transport me into another world...

"To the mechanical words of thunder,
I praise you for thy caution.
Although the venom on my tongue
shall only poison us all.
I've winced at the words of Shakespeare
as he never loved the night.
midnight within my eyes,
to diminish Romeos appetite."

Amazing, each and every line has got completely entranced, your words set the scene perfectly in this poem.

"Arise, fair moon, and kill the envious sun,
who is already sick and burnt with grief."

Brilliant ending lines, this was so creative and orginal, there is nothing else for me to say but wow! 5/5 from me, keep writing, always and forever...

I've read more of your poetry and I can honestly say I love what I've read. I love your descriptions, the emotional content, and the beauty I am able to pull away from your writing. You have great talent, and I look forward to reading more. You are now one of my favorite authors. :] Take care!

Oh and this poem is included in my above statements, 5/5.

-Rolo