Hide and Seek

[Disclaimer; Its quite late so sorry if this comment doesn't make sense. :P]

I have a poem of the same title, which dragged me in to read this. I love the title. Eye catching, in my opinion.

"Fingertips freeze.."
`I love how you started off with such powerful alliteration and images. Straight away the reader is intriqued.

"Lighting a light that only could dim,"
`When I'm reading this my tongue keeps slipping, its as if the flow should read "Lighting a light that could only dim". Just an opinion, but when I read it it seems to roll off the tongue better so the reader doesn't lose focus.
Lovely image though, this feeling of being incapable. No matter how hard you try its not meant to be.

"You slipped under the radar, oh so slick,
I never knew without you my heart went sick,
There is no medicine, there is no cure,
So I waited with empty hands, ready to endure,"
`I really liked this stanza. "under the radar" is an unheard of phrase, but it really fits. The idea of your heart going sick I would consider personification, I really loved how you phrased it. The word "endure" captures me, I'm not sure why but I love that word when used correctly.
One thing though-- Work on the punctuation through out the entire poem. Its the key to a happy reader, you need to guide us in how your peice is meant to be voiced.

"Hard edges of loneliness and depression are painful to swallow."
`I don't like the word "Depression" here, its cliche. Try Misery or Melancholy, it makes the ending have more power. Or even just leave it at "Loneliness", I think an extra word is clutter.
Also, "Sharp" edges sounds better with the flow, I think.

Over all, A good write.
I enjoyed it. (:

Oh boy. It's been a while since I've read some of your poetry, and I've been missing a lot. This poem was absolutely.. amazing.

The first line instantly caught my attention; "Fingertips freeze upon chattered lips," - In my opinion this is the best line in the entire poem. The imagery was captivating.

"Mind on fire, burnt to the end,
No armor of suit to come and defend,"
^ Very unique lines. (: I quite like them.

"You slipped under the radar, oh so slick,
I never knew without you my heart went sick,"
^ I absolutely adore your usage of slick. It fit the poem perfectly and it rolled off my tongue when I was reading it.

The ending was astonishing. It wrapped up the poem nicely and helped capture the true essence. :)

There was one spelling error that I caught though -- "lonliness" should be 'loneliness'.

Other than that little error, I believe that this poem was beautifully written. I'm definitely going to start reading your work again. (:

5.5
Take care x

"Licking cracked envelopes full of letters,
Hoping that the sunrise will make things better,
Dear you, the letter would tenderly say,
Yet no response in the mailbox today"

Your words are very strong. I must say the pictures that you have painted with this verse are spot on. I like how you have managed to convey the feeling of loneliness that so many people feel when loved ones depart.

It could also mean a loved one who's left or a someone who has passed away. Either way, a watched mailbox that stays empty is a nice way of conveying that.

I'm rambling now. I just really liked that verse.

Good rhymes and rhythm as well. A refreshing read.

5/5 Gem

Wow.. what an interesting title to begin with, it made me curious to know what the poem was about. And then reading your poem, i was definitely not disappointed. It was a work of art.

Dear you, the letter would tenderly say,
Yet no response in the mailbox today,

^^ My favourite lines. Harsh.. it was fantastic. the sadness.. woah. and the rhyming felt very natural, like it wasnt forced, which is fantastic.

Keep up the great work!
5/5