Do You Remember Our Dances In The Rain ?!

by Nawa   Dec 25, 2008


Do you remember our dances in the rain?
How carefree and innocent we were

The scene was empty yet our love crowded the place
I held you close wrapping you in my arms
And you swirled around, dancing like the falling leaves
Left to right, from side to side to the flow of the wind;we waltzed
The trees stood in admiration enjoying the show and applauding your infallible grace
The streets were furnished with enchantment for you; my fairy princess

Those are moments I cannot forget,
those were the times I knew I owned the world
Nothing was stronger than your touch; it flew me off the ground
And your kiss carried me to heaven
then left me high wandering for more
This luscious aroma flowing
from your hair always stuffed the air
And I could not breathe anything but your scent
And saw nothing but your mesmerizing eyes
And have felt nothing but the warmth of your hands

Do you still remember our love?
Fervent and indestructible
Everlasting and inescapable
You were and still are my everything

I cannot forget these memories my love,
because I still live them though I am not with you
And I am writing this memorandum,
so you can still remember that our love fears no parting.

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  • 16 years ago

    by isabel

    This poem of yours is really a wonderful write...

    Do you remember our dances in the rain?
    How carefree and innocent we were

    * A lovely start... It draws me right into the poem

    The scene was empty yet our love crowded the place
    I held you close wrapping you in my arms
    And you swirled around, dancing like the falling leaves
    Left to right, from side to side to the flow of the wind;we waltzed
    The trees stood in admiration enjoying the show and applauding your infallible grace
    The streets were furnished with enchantment for you; my fairy princess

    * This stanza has a beautiful imagery, yet the lines became a little bit too long and the flow is a little bit off in the end...

    Those are moments I cannot forget,
    those were the times I knew I owned the world
    Nothing was stronger than your touch; it flew me off the ground
    And your kiss carried me to heaven
    then left me high wandering for more
    This luscious aroma flowing
    from your hair always stuffed the air
    And I couldnot breathe anything but your scent
    And saw nothing but your mesmerizing eyes
    And have felt nothing but the warmth of your hands

    * This stanza is awesome... It seems to have more or less the same structure as the previous yet the lines are a bit shorter, what emproves the flow a lot... - not "couldnot" but "could not" :)

    Do you still remember our love?
    Fervent and indestructible
    Everlasting and inescapable
    You were and still are my everything

    * This is so incredibly sweet... I must say this is one of my favorite stanzas...

    I cannot forget one memory my love,
    because I still live them though am not with you
    And am writing this memorandum,
    so you can still remember that our love fears no parting.

    A very good way to end the poem... Quite smooth... Yet I have a couple suggestions about it:

    one memory , living them - (1st, 2nd lines) - would suggest you'd write "I cannot forget these memories, my love"...
    I also would suggest you'd add an "I" to the 2nd and 3rd line:

    because I still live them though I am not with you
    And I am writing this memorandum,

    Altogether, this poem is very good...

    5/5
    *isabel*

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