"Soft lips are grazing my forehead
and strong arms holding me tight"
`Wouldnt holding have to be hold? Cause otherwise it doesnt sound grammatically correct. I could be wrong. I'm nto sure. Maybe even change grazing to graze..
Make it in the present form.. it sounds better that way to me.. but its up to you. :]

"A kind voice speaking sweet words
nothing else could ever feel so right"
`Simple wording, simple flow.. but at least it flows nicely. :]

"Whisper sweetly that you love me"
`Didnt like how you used sweetly here.. you just used sweet above.. find a different word :] Jazz it up a bit.

"Stealing my heart with every motion
making me shiver from head to toe"
`Good rhyme.. its simple.. but its not really forced.. which is great. :]

"Laying here with you on this night
all of my dreams are coming true
You are what I've always wanted
now I don't quite know what to do"
`Kind of plain but at least we know what youre talking about.. and how you feel.. your emotions are kind of there, but I would like to see more. You are confused.. yet... I just want more emotion. :[

"There goes that beautiful voice
but now it's saying hurtful things
I'm not what your heart desires
and those words start to sting"
`I think you need to find a way to eliminate words like "and" without them the poem seems to flow better.. some lines you cant necessiarily take it out..like this one I think you need it.. but just a suggestion, sometimes you can take and out and it can still sound just as good, or maybe even slightly better.

"I was foolish to think that this was real
to think that this could ever be right
I should have known from the start
that you wouldn't stay with me tonight"
`This is really sad, :/ But you can clearly see how you feel.. and I thought the rhyme was simple yet your poem flowed nicely.

Well done.
5/5.

[Nice to see you writing again, keep it up!]

Beautiful wording with a sad conclusion

Soft lips are grazing my forehead
and strong arms holding me tight
A kind voice speaking sweet words
nothing else could ever feel so right

Whisper sweetly that you love me
and that you won't ever let me go
Stealing my heart with every motion
making me shiver from head to toe

i love that part
but then after that it stop going with the flow
4/5 you're a strong writer

Its funny i always see you in the forums and stuff, but i don't think i've read your poetry. =s

i was trying to pick a favorite stanza, but i couldn't choose. this poem was amazing.
it brought back a majorrr flashback. i feel like it was written about me, lol.
except for me, deep down somewhereee inside i knew it wasn't going to last. its one of those "it-was-great-while-it-lasted" situations.
anywho, i loved the detail and emotion put into this. flawless.
keep writing. i found a new favorite. ;]

- Liz

Its funny i always see you in the forums and stuff, but i don't think i've read your poetry. =s

i was trying to pick a favorite stanza, but i couldn't choose. this poem was amazing.
it brought back a majorrr flashback. i feel like it was written about me, lol.
except for me, deep down somewhereee inside i knew it wasn't going to last. its one of those "it-was-great-while-it-lasted" situations.
anywho, i loved the detail and emotion put into this. flawless.
keep writing. i found a new favorite. ;]

- Liz

Hi Bree! I couldn't resist NOT rating AND commenting..

Stanza 1:
"Soft lips are grazing my forehead
and strong arms holding me tight
A kind voice speaking sweet words
nothing else could ever feel so right."

-- I love this opening. It gives me hope and warmth. I feel so comfortable with the way you use your words, and think them to be perfect just the way they are. Well done.

Stanza 2:
"Whisper sweetly that you love me
and that you won't ever let me go
Stealing my heart with every motion
making me shiver from head to toe."

-- I love this stanza. I feel the want and urge, and feel the pull that you create and make me feel when i think of being in a relationship.. that i would want him to do those things, and make me shiver, 'from head to toe'. Again, well done. Loved it.

Stanza 3:
"Laying here with you on this night
all of my dreams are coming true
You are what I've always wanted
now I don't quite know what to do"

-- Also, a great stanza. Very well worded, although, I feel as if there is a small hiccup between "wanted" and "now".. to me, it doesnt sound right. It's just a feeling I got when I read it, I may be wrong.. other wise, this stanza is also really good.

Stanza 4:
"There goes that beautiful voice
but now it's saying hurtful things
I'm not what your heart desires
and those words start to sting."

-- Very well done with this stanza. I love it. I love the way you have used, "beautiful voice" and also, "those words start to sting". I felt like I understood what you meant, and the message you were trying to create. To me, I believe this is the change over.. the discovery of the absence of love. Very well done Bree... I've been caught up in the wrath.

Stanza 5:
"I was foolish to think that this was real
to think that this could ever be right
I should have known from the start
that you wouldn't stay with me tonight."

-- I believe that there couldn't be a better finisher. I loved this stanza.. it was my favourite of them all. Realisation is so important in a relationship. if you see the truth, you can fix the problems. if you dont want to or see the truth, you can't fix those problems or address those matters needing attendance. I believe you have captured your idea in creating this poem.

Well done. Not one of my favourites, but definately a keeper. :) Well done Bree.

I love your simple lines and words, and the way ypou have placed them to create such a beautiful and sad piece. Well done.

5 / 5
Keep it up, and write more!!! haha.
ily.

- Nicole.
x x

Ive seen how you involved in writing. That was quite interesting write..Although it tore my heart apart after reading the last few lines. Love hurts but sooner you'll be glad to look back on how you felt something towards a particular person without being hurt.

Good Job Birthday girl..xD