Comments : Colored Pencil Love

  • 10 years ago

    by Faithless

    Wow Krista

    You have definitely taken your poetry to another level.I love how you play with the idea of colours and infuse them with your feelings and love. Onn top of that you also made the flow very smooth which was liek a bonus.

    The greens and blues explode across the page,
    the colors turning into a stage.

    ^^^ I love how you express this...really made the poem come to life

    Overall i must say that you have did an outstanding job.This was certainly delightful to read 5/5 from me

  • 10 years ago

    by Cara

    *claps* A fantastic write Krista, it had me hooked to the very last line. The imagery that you created in your poem, was fascinating.
    The imaginative use of colours was very clever and it really added originality to your write. I love a good love poem and this really does fit into that category nicely.
    The flow was quite good as was the rhyming.
    Keep up the great work!
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    This poem has a really good rhyming flow and I thought it was a beautifull imaginative piece =] Overall I really thought it was creative and very different to most poems iv'e seen on here with this sort of theme.
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Used n Confussed

    This is a really good poem. It shows so many enotions and can be interpreted in alot of ways. I love the use of colours.
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Kyamii

    She takes her stubby pencil of red,
    desperatley tries to show the tears she shed.
    But the pencil shatters against her will,
    the tears in her eyes just don't seem to spill.

    Aweeeeeeeeeee Krisssssssstaaaaaaaaaaa.
    So beautiful! And I'm sure the one you love would never let you cry.

    Beautiful Poemmmmmm :3 Keep it upp!!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    Awww. I really adore this poem. :D Five out of five. I loved how it started kinna sad with the evil red pencil, and then as she kept going and going an image appeared. :] It was very pretty. ^_^

  • 10 years ago

    by Blissful

    Oh my Krista! This blew me away! What a unique write you have written here hun, it had my attention from beginning to end. I loved the happy ending because it was a nice contrast to the sadness in the beginning. The flow was good and your use of rhyme added color to the piece. :] Tee hee. I really enjoyed it and read it a couple of more times because it had such a sweet ending. I'm a sap for a happily ever after.

    Well done Krista!
    Has to be one of the best you've writen.
    *5/5* :]

  • 10 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    She takes her stubby pencil of red,
    desperatley tries to show the tears she shed.

    = "desperatley" should be "desperately". Suggestion: in the first line, add "As" before "she" (reading: As she takes.."), I think it will appear more flattering as it will somewhat even the lines up.

    "But the pencil shatters against her will,
    the tears in her eyes just don't seem to spill."

    = Sentences shouldn't start with "but". Try something like.. "Now the pencil.." :)

    "So she grabs another pencil thats bright yellow,
    her eyes bright and mellow.

    = I don't think the word "so" is necessary- if you were to remove it, nothing would change, except it would, again, help to even up the lines. "thats" should be "that's" (that's = that is = "..pencil that's/that is bright..")

    "The greens and blues explode across the page,
    the colors turning into a stage."

    = Suggestion: try this for the second line here: "and the colors are turning into a stage". I feel like that'll make it more complete.

    "Two young people stand at the edge,
    their hands held together in a quiet pledge."

    = I loved this. It's simple, but it holds a lot of emotion. Good job. :)

    "Eyes so quiet they bind in the light,
    two more wandering souls finally unite."

    = This is really well written.

    "Colors spill across the paper,
    the tears in her eyes turning to vapor."

    = Suggestion: Try this for a first line: "Colors are spilling across the paper"- just to even up the lines.

    "Her mouth turns up in a smile,
    her lover standing ahead in the aisle."

    = I feel like you ended it too quickly. Nothing that can't be fixed, of course.

    Overall; It could use some work, but it's not bad. Just take into consideration the things I suggested and see if you like the changes. Good job.

    ``Briana

  • 10 years ago

    by Paiger

    Beautiful :) The flow is great and the image in the readers mind is very clear.

    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "She takes her stubby pencil of red,
    desperatley tries to show the tears she shed.
    But the pencil shatters against her will,
    the tears in her eyes just don't seem to spill."

    ^^ I love these opening lines, so much depth and emotion that I'm instantly drawn into the piece while the imagery is creating vivid pictures in my mind. However I found the flow on the second line to be slightly of, maybe try without "the", so that you have :

    She takes her stubby pencil of red,
    desperatley tries to show tears she shed.

    "So she grabs another pencil thats bright yellow,
    her eyes bright and mellow.
    The greens and blues explode across the page,
    the colors turning into a stage."

    ^^Favourite part so far, I adore the imagery you create in these lines.

    "Two young people stand at the edge,
    their hands held together in a quiet pledge.
    Eyes so quiet they bind in the light,
    two more wandering souls finally unite."

    ^^I'm finding this piece to become stronger and stronger throughout and as I'm nearing the end of the piece, I really don't want it to end, I find the last line here just beautiful, it's so sweet and tugs on the heartstrings, leaving me with all the "mushy" feelings asscoiated with love.

    "Colors spill across the paper,
    the tears in her eyes turning to vapor.
    Her mouth turns up in a smile,
    her lover standing ahead in the aisle. "

    ^^Ahhhhhy. Beautiful way to wrap this piece up! I liked how the start of the piece was filled with so much melancholy and it ended on such a happy note, it made for a great transisition and made the closing lines even more strong.

    Beautiful.

  • 10 years ago

    by Nawa

    Wow !! This is one of the best poems I have read this week, really great write. I enjoyed the imagery you had and the use of colors, also it started off in a mysterious way I expected it to be about something else but then it turned into a really great poem about love and wedding. Great job again, it is one of my favorites, keep it up.
    5/5

  • Very wonderful i really liked it 5/5 Caleb "Poet With A Purpose"

  • 10 years ago

    by Dark Secrets

    Aww that's soo sweet! The ending is wonderful.
    I like the way the events evolve from her being alone drawing a picture of saddeness till the love and hope frees her, it is truly everything a love poem presents!

  • 10 years ago

    by Bianca

    This was a fantastic read for me. I thought this was an amazing poem. The only thing that brought it down a bit for me was the ending. I thought it could have been a bit better. Still, it was very well written and I enjoyed reading it. 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Sapphire

    "She takes her stubby pencil of red,
    desperatley tries to show the tears she shed."

    -This has imagery for me, I can picture you with a piece of paper and the pencil, trying to put your emotions on to paper, that's what these two lines meant for me

    "But the pencil shatters against her will,
    the tears in her eyes just don't seem to spill."

    -This continues the imagery, that I'm imagining and it also has has strong emotion underlying it.

    "So she grabs another pencil thats bright yellow,
    her eyes bright and mellow."

    I like the rhyming here, it works very well. And it goes with how your eyes change.

    "The greens and blues explode across the page,
    the colors turning into a stage."

    -I absolutly love this transition right here. How you go into it is very smooth.

    "Two young people stand at the edge,
    their hands held together in a quiet pledge."

    -I really like the whole pledge thing. I mean its a peaceful scene for me. These two lines here made me want to keep reading.

    "Eyes so quiet they bind in the light,
    two more wandering souls finally unite."

    -I love the rhyming that you do in these 2 lines as well. It gives the reader room to imagination

    "Colors spill across the paper,
    the tears in her eyes turning to vapor.
    Her mouth turns up in a smile,
    her lover standing ahead in the aisle. "

    -I love the change in emotion, and how I find out that the whole point of this poem is about love, I like how you didn't leave the reader guessing, and you let the cahracter in this piece become happy.

    An amazing piece of work. It's very short but with so little words, it gives so much more emotion. The transitions were amazing. And the structure was very well.
    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Jessie

    I love it... it is short and sweet but full of love and it gives me that feeling in my chest:)... i loved the way you ended with that line.. it sums it all up

    you should check out some of mine
    -maddi:)

  • 10 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    Awww... this was beauitful. i loved it! it made me smile since the beginning. i can imagine it everything while i was reading it. nicely done indeed.
    5/5

    TaKe CaRe,
    Frenchy

  • 10 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    I realie love the imagerny here on this poem. i could see everything what she was doing while i was reading it. i realie love it a bit sad indeed. nicely done here. for me u dnt gotta change anything.
    5/5 yuppers

    TaKE CaRe,
    Frenchy

  • 10 years ago

    by Austin

    You sounded like you wanted honest comments so I'll try to do my best.

    1. There were quite a few minor errors, an apostrophe here or a comma there. Nothing too big.

    2. The story was very very nice. I enjoyed it throughout. I loved the entire theme of it and the way you incorporated love into the poem.

    3. There were a few words that I thought may have been placed in just for the sake of rhyming? It really doesn't matter because its your poem - and frankly as long as it makes sense to you then everyone else can screw off.

    4. Don't begin sentences with the word "so". Its not formally acceptable.

    5. It was a great poem. The imagery is what makes it. Keep writing like this and you'll do great.

  • 10 years ago

    by kevin Boundy AKA the ghost

    Omg perfection is simply the only way to describe this one (as a love writer i know lol) this one was simply incredible the only way to rate this is 6/5 lol