Only Lust Can Save You Now

I liked the intensity of the poem and the vivid tense imagery you put through each stanza. I feel like you were forcing the flow of the piece, but it didn't really need to be. Don't be afraid not to make things rhyme, even though your skilled at it(:

Also, I noticed a lack of punctuation, but if you used it then it would probably help the flow so readers will know where to pause and stuff.

5/5, really vivid piece(:

Choke away this nightmare
Scare away this life
Kiss away the tears
But keep hold of the knife

*I love the way you write. It reminds me of some of my work. Very vivid and so emotional*

Tear streaked cheeks
And a throat hoarse with scream
Feel this icy water flow
Like my lusty needs

*I love this stanza but i would chnage the second line to "And a throart hoarse from screams", but other than that very powerful message*

Touch away insanity
Suck away the fear
With demons in my body
Your soul will soon adhere

*Touch away insanity...that line is perfect. Wow...I don't know what else to say here*

Choke away my nightmares
And listen to my screams
Touch away insanity
And save the world from me

*I like how you repeat the first lines here. You have a wonderful way with words. Keep it up. Shanik*

Choke away this nightmare
Scare away this life
Kiss away the tears
But keep hold of the knife

^wow this was a wow. "choke away the nightmare" was an amazing line for me. and the rest were very powerful as well but that one realie was standing out to me. amazing opening.

Tear streaked cheeks
And a throat hoarse with scream
Feel this icy water flow
Like my lusty needs

^i like it. i would love it if my vocabulary was way more then a 6th graders XD idk what hoarse means. embrassing for me yesh indeed.

Touch away insanity
Suck away the fear
With demons in my body
Your soul will soon adhere

^wow this was very imagnie. and very dark. demons in my body amazing line.

Choke away my nightmares
And listen to my screams
Touch away insanity
And save the world from me

^nice closin i love it. you did a realie good job here i give you a
5/5

TaKe CaRe,
Frenchy